Chat and Flirt

Modern dating advice for the internet.



October 2014



Are You Too Easily Seduced?

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If you’ve ever gone to the grocery store on an empty stomach, you know how quickly a short shopping list of essential items can turn into a cart full of junk you didn’t need and wouldn’t ordinarily buy. The fact is, shopping hungry is a great way to spend more money than you intended on food that is probably bad for you.

The same could be said for dating, when it has been a long time since you last enjoyed a loving relationship. If you are starved for passion, intimacy, and affection, everyone you meet begins to look pretty good. Some of those potential partners may very well be good prospects for you; others not so much. The key is to keep a level head while you sort them out.

To do that, it helps to be aware of the ways in which overeagerness can work against you—and to be on your guard. Here are four common signs you may be too easily seduced for your own good:

1. You are quick to overlook glaring signs of incompatibility.

When you want something very much, it is only human nature to rationalize away the apparent reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t have it. For instance, in this state of mind, you might convince yourself that an argument about politics is a healthy sign of diversity and inclusiveness in the relationship—rather than evidence that you and your potential partner do not share common values. Widely differing tastes in music, movies, friends, or how to spend an afternoon off may look trivial at first, especially to someone who is desperate for companionship of any kind. In fact, these are important litmus tests of compatibility that must be weighed carefully before you move deeper into a long-term partnership. To be sure you are thinking clearly, try making a list of the pros and cons of each new relationship. Seeing it in writing can override the tendency to sugarcoat the obvious.

2. You ignore the opinions of friends and family.

Granted, your dating decisions are not subject to the approval of a committee. Nevertheless, your closest relatives and friends often see early signs of trouble in a new relationship when you can’t—or don’t want to. They care about your well-being and will notice when someone new has a negative effect on you. If you find yourself frequently defending your new romance to people whose advice you ordinarily trust, pay attention! They may be telling you that your desire for love at any cost is clouding your judgment.

3. You make unhealthy compromises for the sake of the relationship.

One reason dating is so exciting is that it draws you out of your routine and into new adventures. But when a fledgling relationship begins to reset your personal standards of responsible or safe behavior, you are probably giving up more than you are getting in return—a clear sign the partnership is not right for you. Here are several common examples: spending more money than you can afford; “partying” more than ever; rushing into physical intimacy sooner than you’d like; or neglecting other obligations and relationships. The right partner will bring out the very best in you. If the opposite seems true, the cost of your eagerness for romance is too high.

4. You linger longer than you should in a dead-end situation.

In any unhealthy relationship, there comes a time when the signs of dysfunction are no longer so subtle. Easy-to-overlook evidence of incompatibility can turn into unconcealed discord, perhaps even abuse. Often it is simply the fear of going back to being single that causes us to endure emotional hardship long past the point when reasonable self-preservation dictates we move on. Don’t let your longing for love become a rationale for prolonged mistreatment of any kind.

There is nothing wrong with being eager for intimacy and affection—it is the natural state of someone ready for lasting romance. Just don’t forget to love and protect yourself as well on the way to finding a great partner.

eH+Ashsuit09102014-15About Ashley and eH+:

eHarmony’s new service, eH+ , gives you the benefit of a personal matchmaker who picks your matches and guides you to success. We’re taking the best of what eHarmony does and combining that with what personal matchmakers do best – person-to-person conversation, opportunities for feedback, and coaching to put your best foot forward.

Learn More about eH+.

eHarmony users, be sure to include your phone number in your account information so that Ashley can contact you if you are a match for an eH+ client.

The post Are You Too Easily Seduced? appeared first on eHarmony Advice.



October 2014





October 2014



15 Reasons to Date a Fisherman

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The standard joke about fishermen is that they exaggerate the size of their last catch. Sure, there are people eager to brag about their latest angling conquest or complain about the size of the one that got away.

But devoted fishermen don’t do it for bragging rights. They take a Zen-like approach, enjoying the serenity, philosophizing about the artistry involved, and appreciating the experience as much as an actual catch.

If you are lucky enough to date someone dedicated to the art of fishing, you’ll find a person whose qualities translate well to romantic relationships. Consider these reasons to date a fisherman (we could use the politically correct “fisherpeople,” but you know that both genders apply to this discussion):

1. They are optimistic. No matter how long they fish without so much as a nibble, they’re sure they’ll be reeling in a fish at any moment.

2. These people have patience and lots of it. Impatient men and women wouldn’t last long in this hobby.

3. Fishermen appreciate beauty. After all, they spend countless hours by streams, on lakes, and standing on seashores.

4. You’ll have a hobby you can enjoy together. Whether you already fish or want to learn, you and your partner will have many hours together in peaceful, pristine environments.

5. Fishermen are not intent on outdoing someone else. Any competition is against himself and the fish. No need to worry that your partner will want to compete with you.

6. They know the best spots to enjoy nature. If you appreciate the splendor of the outdoors, you’ll have someone to guide you to new places to savor.

7. Fishermen are helpful. They’re willing to teach newcomers and share their wisdom.

8. They are humble. These people acknowledge the many times they’ve been outwitted or outlasted by an animal with a pea-sized brain.

9. Fishermen are eager to learn and grow. They know that fishing—like many aspects of life—is a process of trying to improve their craft.

10. They are concerned about the environment. Like other kinds of outdoorsmen, these people want to preserve the world’s natural beauty.

11. Fishermen balance work and play. They may be hard workers, but they’re always eager to leave work to hit their favorite fishing hole.

12. They are adaptable and flexible. When one approach to fishing isn’t working, they’re ready to try something new. That’s a good perspective for relationships as well.

13. Your vocabulary will expand. Your fisherman-lover will introduce you to interesting new words, such as “jig-n-pig,” “crankbait,” and “leadhead.”

14. You’ll never lack for great movies to watch together. You can enjoy classics like “The Old Man and the Sea” with Spencer Tracy and “Man’s Favorite Sport” with Rock Hudson, or thrillers like “The Perfect Storm” and “Jaws,” or contemplative films like “On Golden Pond” and “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen.” Even if your partner has seen “A River Runs through It” a dozen times, another viewing is well worth the time—especially together.

15. Fishermen know that good things come to those who wait. Sounds a lot like romantic love.


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October 2014





October 2014



The Question in Dating You Just Have to Ask — Yourself!

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Let’s talk about adventure. Specifically, adventure in dating. Why? Because we all want a relationship that will go the distance, one that will endure. We want someone who will be there for us, year after year. As we wrote in our first post , there are questions you can begin asking now that will help you decide whether this person you’re dating is someone you can go the distance with, someone you can create vibrant, humming, electric space with….

Create space? What do we mean by creating space? In our book The Zimzum of Love, we explain how a relationship is about creating space in your life for this other person to thrive while they’re doing the same for you. What this does is create space between you—energetic space in which love flows freely between you.

Now here’s the truth that a lot of people miss, causing them no end of confusion and heartache: The space between you is always changing because life is always changing.

Sometimes it’s because of seasons of life—one of you gets a new job, you move, you have kids, one of you is injured, one of your parents needs to move in with you for a bit, your kids grow up and leave the house—the list goes on and on, doesn’t it?

Other times it’s because you’ve changed—you’ve had new experiences, you’ve grown, matured, you see things in a new way.

Whatever causes the change, it always affects the space between you. Sometimes a couple wonders why things aren’t going well between them, and the truth is, they’re acting like they used to and things have changed and they haven’t adapted.

Now, here’s where adventure comes in. You have to see it all as adventure … life, marriage, being in a relationship, adjusting and adapting to new seasonsit’s all an adventure you get to go on with this person you love. (So many people see marriage as a weight, a burden, an obstacle to overcome as they try to get through it together … sound familiar?)

You can see things in an entirely different way. You can see it all as an adventure that you go on together. You’re figuring it out together, trying new things, talking about what worked and what didn’t, telling each other what you each need to make it in whatever season or phase you’re in.

All of which leads us to the question you have to ask yourself about this person you’re dating: Are they up for the adventure?

Watch them closely. Look for patterns. Tell stories about your pasts and the challenges you’ve each faced. Pay attention to how they deal with change.

Are they flexible? Adaptable? Willing to change course?

Do they view life as an ordeal you do your best to get through or an adventure you get to go on with someone?

When they face challenges, do they endlessly talk about how they wish things were how they used to be, or do they throw their energies into figuring how they’re going to navigate this next season?

Do they remain set in their ways, even when those ways aren’t working anymore?

Obviously this isn’t an interrogation! But it is really, really important you are honest about the person they’ve been and the person they are with you, because if the two of you journey together you can’t even begin to imagine all of the opportunities and challenges and joys and dangers that are going to come your way. And what you want is someone who sees it all as a grand, epic adventure, an adventure they want to be on … with you.

Zimzum of Love hc

Rob and Kristen Bell are the authors of THE ZIMZUM OF LOVE: A New Way of Understanding Marriage (HarperOne, October 28, 2014).

Order the book here:








Learn more about books by Rob Bell. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook!


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October 2014



Match Launches A Brand New iPad App

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I've got good news for Apple fans. If using the Match app on your iPhone and iPod Touch just isn't enough for you, you can now get your fix on your iPad, too. Match has just announced a brand new, redesigned, fully maximized app for the the larger iDevice with iPad-optimized functionality.

Check out the new app in the App Store or at ...



October 2014



Why You Can’t Afford the Luxury of Negative Thinking When it Comes to Love

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Do you find that you keep having the same painful experiences when it comes to love and relationships? Perhaps you often tell yourself things like, “I’m never lucky in love,” or “They lose interest in me once they get to know me.” If so, you may be experiencing a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, one that is revealed as your most secret beliefs about yourself affect how you’re experiencing reality.

This happened with a woman friend of mine named Lori. Lori had been painfully hurt over past rejections. One day, she met the man of her dreams. After taking her out for an elegant dinner with a group of other couples, he brought Lori home and said he would have to leave because he needed to be at work early the next morning. “In fact,” he said, “I’ve got such a crazy busy next few days at the office, I don’t think I’m going to be able to see you this week.” Lori felt a horrible dread inside her—the all-too-familiar shame of rejection and fear of a breakup. She assumed he was trying to soften the blow and what he really wanted to say was that he didn’t want her anymore.

Haven’t we all experienced this at some point in our lives?

We hear something that sends our throat down to our stomach. In the moment, we can’t help but believe that the person is telling us how wrong we are or that they don’t like us. The reality, however, is often far different than our perception. When Lori’s boyfriend said, “I’m not going to be able to see you this week,” what she heard in her heart was, “I’m dumping you,” and she created a turning point in her relationship with this man.

On the verge of tears, Lori saw what she believed to be true—that any man who got to know her would eventually leave. She all but shoved her now-bewildered boyfriend out the door. What Lori didn’t realize is that he really did have a busy week ahead. It never occurred to him that saying so would upset her so much. The poor fellow, who had no clue what was going on inside of Lori’s head, went home and began wondering if their relationship was Lori’s whole life. He wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility. He started reconsidering the relationship, just as Lori had told herself he would. Like Lori, when we tell ourselves that we’re not worthy of being loved, our minds begin to look for “evidence” to support the belief—and, no matter how far fetched, we believe we’ve uncovered it. If we believe that our partner will reject us, we start to look for ways that this could be true at every turn.

As Lori did, we hear not what is being said, but what we’ve been telling ourselves inside our minds. We hear rejection inside of every voicemail, every joke, and every innocent remark. And when we believe a relationship is troubled, the experience we create will prove us right. Inevitably, we find trouble in that relationship. Our partner may make a totally innocent comment that we twist to conform to even the most outrageous belief we have about ourselves and/or the relationship.

In Lori’s case, she wanted to attract real love into her life but wound up repelling it instead. Outwardly confident, she secretly regarded herself with contempt. She had received dozens of bouquets of flowers, and the men she dated had made many comments about her great sense of humor, her generous nature, and her good looks. But since no relationship had ever lasted, Lori felt that she was unlovable at the core.

Is Lori unlovable? Of course not! But negative feelings about herself led her to anticipate rejection at every turn. This made her act anxious and sent out an unintentional vibe of guilt and pressure, which ultimately deflated any attraction men might have initially felt towards her.

In looking at your own reality, try to remember that the “facts” of your life carry no more weight than the meaning you attach to them.

Choose to believe the best—about yourself and others—because whatever images your mind clings to will replicate themselves in the real world. Our world reflects our beliefs. Lori’s story belongs to every one of us. The love we try so hard to squeeze from someone else can only be found within ourselves. Once it is discovered, we can share and celebrate that love with others. There is an ancient saying that applies here: the light you seek is within your own lantern.

Does this resonate with you? Have you been able to get a handle on any negative feelings and self-perceptions?

More at YourTango:

You Won’t Believe The Best Way To Find Love Online

The Secret to Getting Him Back

7 Amazing Ways Love Transforms Your Brain

Here’s How To Get Over A Bad Breakup

The Best Breakup Survival Guide On The Web



Originally posted at YourTango: How your negative feelings destroy your chances at finding love


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October 2014



The Biggest Dating Dos and Don’ts from Our Favorite Horror Films

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If you’re prepping for a first date this Halloween, keep in mind the dating wisdom offered by these classic horror movies.

1. Dating Do: Behave yourself. It’s a general rule that good girls survive. Act accordingly.

2. Dating Don’t: Get drunk. Drunk characters end up playing the fools and victims in horror flicks. You don’t want to be either.

3. Dating Do: Date in public. Head to a restaurant, busy park, or popular hangout spot. Horror movies have taught us that isolated areas, abandoned buildings and hotels in the middle of nowhere — ‘The Shining’, anyone? — are homicidal hot spots.

4. Dating Don’t: Date an addict in the throws of their disease. From Patrick Bateman’s cocaine habit to Hellraiser’s need for fresh blood, addiction is a red flag in the movies and in real life. Addicts need help. Insist your date pursues sobriety before getting sucked into the scary world of addiction.

5. Dating Do: Mean what you say. Don’t tell Jason to “give me your best shot.” You don’t mean it.

6. Dating Don’t: Mistreat women. See: ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Woman’. Yikes.

7. Dating Do: Make first impressions count. Men, showing up for the date in a hockey mask does not prove you’re a dedicated athlete. She will run away — as she should. And, ladies, the obnoxious girl never makes it to the sequel.

8. Dating Don’t: Stay in a uncomfortable situation. If Vincent Price is the host of the dinner party, leave. Send a note of regret later. And if the house itself tells you to leave, do it. Do not pass go.

9. Dating Do: Avoid bleeding heart syndrome. Not every hitchhiker needs your help. Make choices that prioritize self-preservation over heroism.

10. Dating Don’t: Camp at Crystal Lake. Don’t camp there, don’t skinny-dip there, and don’t, under any circumstances, make out there. You will die. (Don’t dig up Jason’s body either.)

Images courtesy:

Halloween;  Trancas International Films

Friday the 13th; Warner Bros.

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October 2014



Dating Website Zoosk to go Public Most Likely in 2015

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According to Bloomberg News, the popular dating website Zoosk is scheduled to go public. The company filed earlier this year, but the latest stock market volatility might delay their offering until 2015.

Zoosk has long touted itself as a major contender in the online dating game due to its large international user base, alongside brands such as and OkCupid. ...



October 2014



Josh Turner Talks ‘Man Stuff’ and Marriage

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josh-turner-book-510Josh Turner is best known as a double-platinum selling country artist, famous for songs like “Time Is Love,” “Your Man,” and “Firecracker,” and also one of the youngest members of the Grand Ole Opry. But along the road to building his career as an MCA Nashville recording artist, the devoted Christian examined his life and how its events shaped him, and came up with spiritual insights that he put to paper in Man Stuff: Thoughts on Faith, Family, and Fatherhood.

The opportunity to write a book appealed to Turner, who is working on the follow-up to 2012′s Punching Bag album, because it gave him a venue to say things that he hasn’t been able to say in any other medium in his career. Among those life lessons are Turner’s thoughts for men who want to have better relationships in their life, be better dads, husbands, and men of God.

eHarmony caught up with the father of four sons, the fourth was born this Sept. 4, with wife Jennifer, to talk about love, temptation, husbands “learning” their wives, the importance of face time as opposed to FaceTime, and more.

eH: You have a quote from Billy Graham in your book, “Don’t treat love casually.” What does that mean to you?

Josh Turner: I heard Billy Graham talking about how a lot of people treat love casually, they don’t treat it with respect, and they don’t have reverence for it. It just really struck a chord with me. You see a lot of people pushing marriage to the wayside and not really taking it through. It’s something that I feel is a problem in our society, and I would love to see that get better. I try to set a good example in my own life and in my own marriage and just try to let that be a witness to people.

eH: In Man Stuff, what message is it that you’re trying to get across to men in terms of dating and relationships?

JT: As far as dating and relationships, I think it’s just a matter of believing in yourself, being yourself, because I know a lot of times dating can be uncomfortable. It can be awkward. It can be really challenging. Sometimes you find yourself compromising your beliefs and what you feel strongly about — even down to your likes and dislikes just to please the person. I try to encourage men and women, too, for that matter, to not do that. Just be yourself because you want to know that the person that you’re with is going to love you for who you are, not for somebody that you’re not. So that’s one of the main things that I try to express in the book. But the book is not totally geared towards dating and relationships and all that kind of stuff; it’s more of a life book. I’ve tried to include a lot of different aspects of my life and my experiences that I’ve been through, and dating is one of those.

eH: You also write about temptation. What would you tell a friend who is thinking about being unfaithful?

JT: First of all, temptation can disguise itself in a really pretty package. My signature song, “Long Black Train,” speaks to that. It talks about this long, black, beautiful, shiny train that’s just roaring down these tracks. It’s painting this picture of something that just exudes power and strength and beauty, and it tricks you into thinking that it’s going to take you somewhere when in reality when you get on there, there’s just emptiness. It leads to a dead end, like I say, a lot of emptiness through the void, and you end up being let down. That’s true with any kind of temptation, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, pornography, unfaithfulness, even food. There are so many different things that people are tempted by, and that people are addicted to. They seem great at first, but i­­t’s that whole the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side philosophy. Once you cross the fence, you realize that it’s either just as good, or a whole lot worse, than the situation you were already in.

So I would just encourage people to not be fooled by the exterior of what something looks like. Just really think about doing the right thing, because in the end you’ll be able to sleep better at night and be regret free. Being unfaithful can lead to a lot of heartache and hurt.

eH: One of the things you also say is that husbands learn your wives. Don’t just love them. What does that mean to you?

JT: For me, I don’t think you can truly love somebody until you learn about that person. You can call it love all you want, but until you really know the person and really learn about that person that’s when you truly fall in love with them.

It’s funny, I’ve been married for 11 years now, and, you hear people say this all the time, but you don’t really realize or understand what this is really about until you’ve been married for a while. I truly find myself falling in love deeper and deeper with my wife every year, and it’s all because I’m learning more about her. I’m getting to know her. We’re making memories together. We’re living our life together. We’re on an adventure together and it draws you closer and closer and closer. Sometimes you think you can’t get any closer, but, like I say, the more time you spend with a person, the more you learn about that person, the more you fall in love with that person.

eH: You also say it’s important to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

JT: Exactly. You have to fall in love for the right reasons. A lot of people get off on the wrong foot and they have to do a lot repair as they go along. For me and Jennifer, we were friends up front, and we had a lot of things that we had to work through. I think every husband and wife has things that you have to work through; things you have to meet in the middle with. It’s learning that what’s normal to her may not be normal to me and vice versa; so you just kind of have to have grace for each other.

eH: You say you’re a romantic. How does that express itself? Are you the kind of guy that brings flowers, or it is just helping out in the house, or…?

JT: For me, it’s helping out in the house, bringing flowers when she’s had a rough day — just being there and being conscious of what’s going on in her life. I think without that, there’s no way you can be romantic. I learned that from my momma’s daddy. He was very much a romantic. He was always tending to the people in his life, the women in his life, and that just set a great example for me that I’ve tried to implement in my own life for my wife. It’s even more important for me because I have four sons. I’m setting an example for them, and I want them to learn that lesson.

eH: For the dog lovers out there, you said that your bloodhound Moses taught you to be a better husband and father. Can you give a little bit more information on how he did that, or what he taught you?

JT: I didn’t really know that that was happening when I had him. I grew up wanting a bloodhound, but I never was really in a position to get one until I bought my first house and got married. That was when I decided that I was going to go and buy my dream dog. So I went and found a breeder, picked out the puppy, and named him Moses. I just fell in love with him and, to this day, he’s still the best pet I’ve ever had. He had such a good heart, such a good spirit, and he never tried to bite anybody, he never tried to hurt anybody. He was about 100 pounds or so, but he acted like he was 10 pounds. He’d always try to get up in your lap. He would sing for me. He was just my buddy.

There were times where, especially during the puppy stage, when he’d kind of test my patience that I lost my patience with him. I probably disciplined him a little harder than I should have and I lost my temper with him. So he taught me a lot of patience, he taught me forgiveness, he taught me loyalty and understanding and a lot of things that are required of you as a father and as a parent. I didn’t really realize that until the time came for me to welcome my first child into the world how important having Moses was.

eH: Do you believe there’s one soul mate for each person, or are there multiple matches out there?

JT: That’s an interesting question. I always used to think that there was one, and I do think that there is one in a certain aspect. This is a little bit hard for me to explain because I learned this lesson back when my grandmomma, my daddy’s momma, died. She actually died the day before my 10th birthday and she was the most incredible woman that I had ever met at that time. I loved her dearly. She taught me a lot about life, the Lord, family, and just being positive in life. I learned a lot of great lessons from her.

So when she died, my granddaddy started dating. Being his grandson, that was so uncomfortable and awkward to see a man you’ve known your whole life married to your grandma just go out and start dating and bringing all these strange women into the fold. So he dated several women until he finally ended up marrying one of them. I specifically remember complaining to my daddy, I was like, “How can he say he loves her when he and granny were soul mates?” I just didn’t understand that and he said, “No, I truly think he does love her.” He said, “When they said their vows, they said , ‘Until death do we part,’ and granny is gone now. They’re parted, at least, here on earth. He needed a companion. He needed someone to lean on, so that is what happened.” So I think in that context it totally makes sense to have more than one soul mate. But I don’t think you can have more than one soul mate at a time.

joshturner_mcanashvilleeH: What’s your best advice to single people out there looking for a partner?

JT: Honestly for me, from a personal standpoint, it just takes a lot of prayer. I would say spend some face-to-face time with that person because we live in such a technological world that you kind of lose out on that real relationship. There’s a lot of people talking back and forth through the Internet, through phones, and through this, that, and the other. In order to develop that true relationship, and to really find the person that you’re meant to be with, you have to spend some face-to-face time. You need to know what they smell like. You need to know all those kinds of things, those human elements of them, and really just kind of see what they’re like on a daily basis. I’ve talked about learning your wife; you have to learn your dating partner, too, to see if you’re compatible, to see if this is a person that you can spend the rest of your life with, to see if you’re going to have similar interests, and if you’re really going to get each other. I don’t think you really learn that through texting and chatting and all that kind of stuff.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s times where FaceTime and Skype comes in handy when there’s long distance relationships going on. I’ve been in long distance relationships and I’ve been thankful for technology, but, I think, to really, truly find whether or not you’re compatible with a person, you have to spend some time together physically.

eH: Is there something in your career that you want to achieve that you haven’t done yet? Or something in your life perhaps?

JT: As far as short term goals, I don’t think there’s anything specific other than just continuing to make great music and continue to evolve as a singer, and as an artist. Doing this book that came out earlier this year was kind of a surprise to me as that wasn’t something that I was out there looking for. It kind of fell in my lap, and I was very humbled and honored that it came my way. I always welcome those kinds of opportunities — the things I’m not looking for.

Follow Josh Turner on Twitter and get all the latest news on him now!

Photo credit: UMG Nashville/Russ Harrington

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