Chat and Flirt

Modern dating advice for the internet.

Monday

28

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

15 Reasons to Date an Esthetician

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An esthetician is more than just a pretty face. Here are 15 reasons to date one:

1. Estheticians have great skin. It’s part of the job. Your date doesn’t slack off in the self-care department and likely embraces a healthy lifestyle.

2. Because of #1, your date is going to age fantastically.

3. And if you stick around long enough, so will you.

4. Estheticians have great people skills, informing clients about procedures and addressing their concerns. You’ll be dating a good communicator.

5. Your date sees potential in people, and helps them address their insecurities and feel better about themselves.

6. Estheticians are often self-employed, business-oriented and very motivated.

7. Your date is likely a good listener and trustworthy keeper of clients’ secrets.

8. Estheticians are in demand. He’ll always have a job if he wants one.

9. Estheticians are smart, focused, and have had extensive training. This is not an entry-level job.

10. Your date has a well-paying job with reasonable hours. Very relationship-friendly.

11. The cute lab coats. You’ll be dating a man/woman in uniform.

12. Estheticians’ jobs depend on their ability to be gentle with people’s faces. You’ll be in good hands.

13. Estheticians’ offices are generally calming environments. You won’t be dating someone who is constantly stressed out by a hectic workplace.

14. Your date spends all day pampering other people. It’s your turn to pamper her. She’ll really appreciate it.

15. Estheticians have high standards for their work and demand excellence of themselves. You’ll be challenged to be your best, too.

Why else should one date an esthetician?

The post 15 Reasons to Date an Esthetician appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Monday

28

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

Dating While Unemployed: 5 Things to Remember

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It happens. And it happens to good people. We get fired, laid off, or decide it’s time to move on to the next job. This can be good news or scary, but either way life goes on and you don’t want your love life to stop just because you’re in ‘job transition’.

These five tips can help you stay upbeat and fun to be with, even if you’re feeling the pressures about your work transition.

Remember that this is temporary. You will work again. Be realistic and know that while the job search takes time, it is essential that you bring fun into your life so that you can be a balanced and interesting person as you talk to others in your job search, as well as in interviews. A job search forces you to stay current on what’s happening in the world of your work, and in general.

Use this time as an opportunity to explore new ways of working. Fall in love with your work all over again by reconnecting with what you really want to do! Amping up your sense of passion and interest for your work makes everyone sexier! Learn new skills that energize you and make you even more marketable. Use your open time to explore business or trade magazines that expose you to new organizations and people. You never know where you’ll meet someone!

Enjoy your free time getting to know someone special before new work begins. You will be back at work soon, so enjoy the time you have right now to date, have lunch or breakfast with a special someone.  Just be sure to manage expectations that life won’t always be so spacious!

Remember ‘necessity is the mother of invention’. Don’t want to spend a lot of money on dates while doing a job search? Do things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do when you’ve got your regular income. Be creative and easy on the wallet by coming up with fun, out of the box excursions. Instead of dinner out, get food to go and head the beach or a park. Go to theater in the park, or for a drink and walk at the beach. Or attend a lecture that might even serve as a good networking function, too.

Be real. Everyone has been through a job search or transition. Being real about what this is like for you can be refreshing for another person to hear about, and endearing. This doesn’t mean you share your deepest fears about not working, or let your anger at your previous company or boss reign supreme. It means you can talk about what you hope for, what you aspire to do in your next job. And if you can keep your sense of humor you can even have fun sharing mock interview questions with your date. Great way to get to know someone else!

About the Author:

Daisy Swan has been a career coach for over 20 years, working with clients all over the world, and is the author of Making Work Work: Secrets from A Career Coach’s Office. Daisy also teaches meditation to help busy professionals manage the stress of modern life, and uncover and foster their creativity. For your free consultation, visit www.daisyswan.com.

The post Dating While Unemployed: 5 Things to Remember appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Monday

28

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

The 10 Biggest Mistakes Made on First Dates

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You walk into the restaurant and glance around nervously, scouring faces until finally you spot your date. You excitedly join them for a meal or coffee and then talk hopefully about seeing each other again. You watch your phone for the next couple of days, but to no avail. You’re disappointed and can’t help but wonder … what went wrong?

When a date goes awry, it’s easy to get caught up in disappointment and question what could have made it successful. Sometimes it’s just not in the stars for you and your date, but other times you may be unintentionally sabotaging any future chances.

Here are the top 10 mistakes I am seeing that keep my eH+ clients from getting a second date:

1) Interrogating the other person. It’s a date, not an interview. While it’s important to ask questions and appear interested, it’s also important not to go overboard. Make sure to talk about yourself after you have asked a few questions in a row.

2) Over-emphasizing serious topics. It’s good to get a little deeper and discuss relationship issues, just make sure to keep it light and have some fun — especially in the beginning.

3) Picking a loud or uncomfortable date spot. Be careful where you pick to meet up. It’s okay to hit up a fun, hip bar or restaurant, but consider meeting for a drink somewhere quiet at first.  When you meet for the first time, it is so important to be able to simply hear each other to avoid miscommunication. There’s nothing worse than playing the “What?” game on a first date.

4) Being rude. Always try to be polite – offer to hold doors and pull out chairs. Be respectful to the waiting staff. You never get a second chance at a first impression.

5) Don’t look at the TV during your date. Yes, this actually happens, plenty of bars and restaurants have giant, juicy flatscreens on, but don’t let your eyes wander — it shows disinterest even if you really are interested!

6) Being silent. Having topics or questions prepared can ease any awkward tension or fill any conversational lulls, keeping you from being a boring date.

7) Sharing your opinions as facts — and not opinions. If your date asks about your favorite type of music, instead of responding with “Rock is the best, everything else is bad,” respond with “Personally I enjoy rock but would love to hear your thoughts.” Be engaging!

8) Negative body language. Make eye contact, and don’t check out people of the opposite sex (this is a no-brainer). You’re here to get to know your date, and eyeing other people will make him or her question your interest.

9) Getting drunk! It’s cool to go out for a drink, not twelve. Your focus should be on getting to know your date, and that’s hard to do when you’ve had too much to drink.

10) Inviting friends. Don’t invite friends, or suggest a meeting with your friends for the first encounter. It’s all about judging chemistry and connection, and your date shouldn’t have to compete for your attention during your first meeting.

What are the biggest mistakes you have encountered on dates?

Ashley is the matchmaker for eHarmony’s new service, eH+. It gives you the benefit of a personal matchmaker who picks your matches and guides you to success. It’s eHarmony’s matching + premium professional matchmaking. Learn More.

 

The post The 10 Biggest Mistakes Made on First Dates appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Thursday

24

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

15 Reasons to Date a Dog Groomer

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If you find yourself taking your dog to the groomer more often than you need to, maybe you need to finally work up the nerve to ask her out for dinner.

Here are 15 reasons to date a dog groomer:

1. You’ll know your date is a dog person…

2. …and probably won’t hate your dog. Or be allergic to it.

3. Your date is no pushover. Those pups who don’t want baths still get bathed.

4. If you’re not picky about style, your date can probably cut your hair.

5. Dog groomers are patient, dealing with animals of all temperaments.

6. Your date will be happy to hang out with a human at the end of the day

7. Your date isn’t easily grossed out. He’s been peed on!

8. Dog groomers have nurturing instincts. (But wouldn’t mind a little pampering from you.)

9. Dog groomers have set hours. You won’t have to worry about canceling date nights due to overtime or unexpected late shifts.

10. Your date is multi-talented. She’s essentially a manicurist, hair stylist, dental hygienist and an esthetician.

11. Many dog groomers are driven entrepreneurs, launching their own businesses and finding their own clients. No laziness here.

12. Dog groomers are friendly, professional and customer-service oriented.

13. No two dogs are alike. Your date knows how to problem-solve and custom-tailor services to meet a dog’s needs. He’ll make you feel special, too.

14. Your date can probably lift — and maybe wrestle — a heavy dog. Muscles!

15. Dog groomers are very forgiving. Their furry clients frequently bark, nip and make a mess. Apologize (sincerely) with big puppy eyes, and you’ll be given a second chance, too.

The post 15 Reasons to Date a Dog Groomer appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Tuesday

22

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

Is a ‘Man in Red’ More Attractive to Women?

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In my previous post and in my book, Sensation: The New Science of Physical Intelligence, I showed how the color red influences the way men perceive women. Men who saw a photo of a woman against a red background perceived her as more attractive and sexier. But what about women’s perception of men? Does red enhance the desirability of men to women? This question is more complicated. Unlike women, sexy men are not necessarily portrayed wearing red shirts. The songs are all about “the lady in red” – there is no “man in red.”

Red is associated not only with sex but with dominance, especially in the animal world. Studies with various types of animals have shown that red in males signals dominance, which is preferred by females for mating. When kids go to the zoo and see the red rumps of some of the monkeys, they may laugh but the red butt is serious; males, especially alpha males (and not females) display red and it as a symbol of status.

Researchers from the United Kingdom found that the red color on the face, rump, and genitalia of male mandrills is a sign of dominance. When two males with a similar red color encountered each other, there were more fights and aggressive behavior. When one of the males exhibited a stronger red color, however, he was clearly more dominant, and the less dominant male avoided him.

Red signals dominance in other types of animals too. Even “artificial” red signals  dominance and influences the behavior of zebra finches, common birds in Australia. Researchers arbitrarily placed red or green bands on the legs of zebra finches and found that those with the red bands were more dominant. Animal studies have also shown that females prefer dominant red males. For example, the three-spined stickleback fish appears red during breeding season. Researchers found that the females preferred males with more intense red color.

So enough about animals…what about humans? In the Western culture, dominance is considered a stereotypically masculine characteristic, and many studies have shown that women like dominant men and men with higher status.

Elliot and Niesta, with their colleagues, asked this question: “If red is associated with dominance and status, and if women prefer men with higher status, is it possible that women will find a man wearing a red item more attractive?” They showed groups of women the same photo of a man, where the only difference was the color of the background. They conducted several experiments on the effect of red on women’s perception of men. The researchers presented female students with black and white photos of a man on a red, white, or gray background. They then asked the women to rate how attractive they perceived the man to be and how sexually attracted they were to him.

Women who saw the photo of the man on a red background perceived him as more attractive and as more sexually desirable than women who saw the same photo on a white or gray background.

Similar results were found when, instead of the background, the researchers manipulated shirt color. Women were asked to judge a man wearing a red shirt or a green shirt. And wouldn’t you know it? The man with the red shirt was perceived as more attractive and desirable.

The researchers went one step further to examine what it is in the color red that affects women’s judgments of men. They once again presented female students with a photo of a man. As in the previous studies, all participants saw the same photo, but half saw the man wearing a red shirt and the other half a gray shirt. This time, they were asked to evaluate the status of the man and his status potential, that is, whether he had a high potential to succeed in the future and to earn a lot. The findings are extraordinary. Women who saw the man with the red shirt believed he had a higher status and a higher potential for status and success. In other words, exactly the same man was perceived as higher in status just because he wore a red shirt.

These experiments clearly demonstrate that the color red has a strong influence on women’s perception of men’s attractiveness and plays an important part in the attraction between the sexes. It seems that red signals a higher status, and higher status in men makes them more attractive and sexually desirable.

Men can easily apply these findings by wearing something red in social interactions and business meetings. Wearing a red tie or a red shirt may convey just enough status on a date to lead to success!

About the Author:

Sensation_9781451699135Thalma Lobel’s book is titled Sensation: The New Science of Physical Intelligence. Lobel is a professor of psychology at Tel Aviv University at the school of Psychological sciences and the director of the Adler Center for Research in Developmental Psychology and Psychopathology. Her research focuses on gender differences and gender roles and on embodied cognition. Her work has been published in prestigious journals including the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Evolution and Human Behavior.

The post Is a ‘Man in Red’ More Attractive to Women? appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Monday

14

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

Terry Crews: How to Be a Better Man in Love and Marriage

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ManhoodTerry Crews is on a serious roll these days! He is starring in FOX’s hit comedy, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine;” has several films in the can including “The Expendables 3,” “Aztec Warrior” and “Reach Me;” and he is the new host of “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.”

Life wasn’t always this first-rate for the former NFL star and Old Spice guy. Even as he achieved success, he tended to make mistakes that caused him career problems and difficulties in his marriage. But he was also sharp enough to understand that he was his own worst enemy, so Crews energetically tackled the work necessary to get his life on the right track.

Now, he shares those lessons, including the ups and downs of his 25-year marriage, what it takes to forge successful relationships, and what he learned that keeps the home fires burning, in written form. Crews has added the title of author to his resumé with the release of Manhood, now in bookstores everywhere from Ballentine.

“The reason I wrote the book was to show that people can change,” Crews tells eHarmony. “Everything is changeable. Everything you see doesn’t have to remain the same. When I realized that, that’s when I grabbed the wheel of my life and decided I was going to learn how to drive.”

In this interview, Crews surprisingly says that to find love, you have to be willing to go through heartbreak, taking sex out of a relationship can make it stronger, secrets can destroy it, and forgiveness is the key to success.

eH: What is the message of Manhood that men and women should get about making relationships work?

Terry Crews: The message that I feel is most important is knowing your demons, so to speak. A lot of times as adults, we tend to make a lot of excuses for our behavior. I was one of those guys. I like to tell people that are certain stages in your life: You are either a fool, a victim, or a king.

The fool stage is when you are really young and doing crazy things just to be doing them. A fool gets mad when people try to help him. I was definitely at that stage. What happens is being a fool, you mess up your life.

Then you move into the victim stage, where your life is messed up and you tend to blame everybody else. The problem with being a victim, is you never see you are a victim. You can always find, or point to someone else as the problem.

When you start to think like a king, is when you start to take responsibility for everything in your life — good and bad. For me, there were several instances. Usually, to think like a king, you have to fall from grace first. When I hit rock bottom in several areas, either financially or relationship-wise, when something wasn’t working, it made me look and say, “What’s happening here? Why am I not progressing?” Thinking like a king makes you take inventory of your whole life. In the book, I wanted people to get that in a relationship you have to always, always take inventory of what is not working.

eH: What is the biggest mistake people make in relationships?

TC: The biggest thing is it is impossible to control someone and love them at the same time. Impossible. I remember when I wouldn’t tell my wife certain things, even about myself, in order to control her. It was an attempt, by lack of information, to give her a picture and an image that wasn’t really true. That’s a big thing. That’s why I don’t think people should live together.

Intimacy is never safe. To be intimate with someone, you really expose yourself. You are at your most vulnerable. But without commitment, are you really intimate? A lot of time people put on airs, and make themselves look perfect, and make themselves look smarter, but the real deal is when someone knows all your thoughts, and knows everything that you’ve done wrong and knows all your problems, and they still love you, the relationship will go forever. Now, you’ve reached the point where the intimacy is real and it can grow from there.

eH: You read a lot of self-help books, do you think that helps understand feelings, or do you need to be of an accepting mindset before they can help you?

TC: You do. You have to. You can’t really hear things unless you are ready to hear them. It’s funny. There are things you hear all of your life that you swear are correct, until you are presented with your own thing.

The perfect example that I have is driving. Your whole life, you watch people drive, but once you get behind the wheel, you don’t know how to drive. It is one of those things where you assume you know, because you watch people do it every day of your life. But just because you’ve watched it done, does not mean you know how to do it. Until you get behind the wheel, you don’t have a clue.

That is what good self-help books are about. It’s like your eyes aren’t open until you are ready to get behind the wheel and take control of your life. A lot of people are letting other things drive their lives — and they think, they’re driving. They are letting all kinds of people determine what they do, where they go, the circle that they are in, so other people are actually driving their life. When you decide, “I need to take control of what I’m about,” all of a sudden, you’re behind the wheel. You’re, “Okay, where’s the turn signal? Where’s the gas pedal?” That is what a good self-help book will do.

eH: You talk about a sex reset, where you went 90 days without sex. What did you learn from that? Do you think others can benefit from doing something similar?

TC: Definitely. Definitely. Parents have always tended to be old-fashioned, saying, “Don’t have sex before marriage,” but no one tells you the reason why. Remember, I told you, “Intimacy is not safe. It is vulnerable.” When I went through the reset, what happened was I started to understand what I wanted, what I was about, and I had to see my wife as not a object, which is weird, because as men, we get motivated by what we see, and a woman instantly becomes an object to us if we let it. But once I took sex out of the equation, I saw her as a total, whole human being. And I loved her more.

It was a really strange revelation to me because as a man you say, “I just need sex. If you’re not giving me sex, we have a problem.” That is what society thinks. I would encourage women to never let a man see you in that way, because again, intimacy is not safe unless he is committed to you. The phrase “love is all we need,” is wrong. It’s wrong. Because you need more than love, you need commitment. Love without commitment is unfinished: It’s yin without yang, up without down. You can say, “I love you,” and you can love everybody, but unless you are committed to me, there is no way that can really become true love.

I had the commitment. I was married to my wife and what I was exploring more and more was that commitment. Sex was out of the equation. Now, I saw her much differently. Now, we talked. I have to say, as a man you wonder, “When is this conversation going to end in something?” That is what guys do. But once a man is able to see you as you really, really are without sex, then it makes the sex much more. It goes to a whole other level. I think every man has experienced that. That is part of the courtship period. I don’t believe that a woman should ever give a man sex on the first, second, third date. There has got to be a commitment. Because a man will tell you he loves you, and it’s true. He’s not lying, but the flip side is, he’s not committed to you. Until you’ve got that commitment, it’s never, never safe to do something like that.

eH: If intimacy makes you vulnerable, but you say that keeping secrets is one of the biggest problems in relationships, at what point in a relationship do you think it is necessary to reveal all?

TC: You have to take it slow. You have to take baby steps. Also, you want someone who wants you for you. The thing is, if you are a jerk, you probably have a problem anyway. Then you have to work on yourself. But if you’ve already done the work and you know that you’re a kind, giving, loving person, you should have no problem telling people your dreams, telling people your hopes, telling people what you want in life. I think that is really where it all starts and it goes from there. It is a growing process. I am actually more committed to my wife after 25 years than I was the first day we got married.

I really, really think when you are dating, it is important to be upfront and honest about who you are. The first date, no. But if you decide after several dates to start to explain who you are, every time you decide you want the relationship to get closer, you are going to have to reveal a lot more about yourself.

eH: What is your best advice for someone single and looking for love?

TC: My best advice is be the person you want. It is like business. You have to keep looking. What you look for, you want. If you want a red car, all of a sudden, you start seeing great red cars everywhere.

My wife did a great job when she was single of writing down a list of things that she wanted in a potential husband. She wrote a big list, so she knew what she wanted when she saw it. I have heard it said before that if you’re going nowhere, any road will do, but once you have a goal, you have to stay on one road. If you write down what you want out of your mate — male or female — what you are looking for, then it’s all good. If something comes your way that is a little bit different, you don’t have to rule it out. You can definitely say, ‘Hmm. This is a deviation from what I wrote before, but I am interested to go this way.” I think remain open, but also have a list of what you want.

eH: What is the hardest thing about love?

TC: The hardest thing about love is you are going to get your heart broken. There is no way around it. It is not safe. It is just a very, very hurtful thing because you’ve exposed what you are to someone else, and maybe you’ve invested, and it doesn’t work out. You can’t make anyone love you. You can’t tie a person in the basement and say, “You love me.” That’s control. The mistake that people make is they slip into control in order to not get their heart broken. You have to let it be. The real deal and the reality is that you don’t want anyone who doesn’t want to be with you. That is just the truth.

But love, your heart will get broken and that is just the way it is. You must keep trying, you must keep going. I like to say, it is almost like you are standing on a gold mine, but you have to keep digging. You dig and you dig and you dig and one day you will hit the jackpot. But you’ve got to know the gold is there. It takes faith. Faith to go for your dreams and to go for love. You might fail, but more likely than not, you will succeed.

eH: What has marriage taught you?

TC: Marriage has made me come out of myself. First of all, there are some people who are meant to be single and that is just true. But there was no way I was going to improve as a person as a single man. There was no way for me to gauge what was wrong with me. There was no one to tell me, “Hey, man. You are really messed up.” My wife has been a sounding board, a dose of reality in my life, who lets me know when I am off track. If you get on a plane from New York to L.A., and you are off by an inch, you may end up in Seattle. The thing is, my wife has always kept me on my course. She has always been, “Hey, honey. You didn’t speak to me correctly. You didn’t do this right. I didn’t feel valued when you did this.” But a man who is on his own and single, he doesn’t have anyone to tell him that he’s off. His mother might tell him. His friends might tell him, but when you’re married, it makes you a better person.

eH: Do you believe in one soulmate for each person or are there multiple matches out there?

TC: I do not believe in one soulmate. I have never believed in that. It is one of those things where you have choices. You can pick and choose. I don’t believe in the soulmate theory, but what I do believe is that once you’ve committed, that is when it all happens. That is when the souls connect. Not before. The behavior of commitment creates a soulmate. There are some of the most famous couples over the years who had huge, huge issues, but they just decided to stay. They decided to stay committed to each other. They look back and they say, “This is my soulmate,” because their souls do get united.

eH: What do you think one needs in a partner to make the relationship successful?

TC: Forgiveness. Everyone has to forgive nonstop. You have to choose not to be offended. There have been times when my wife will say something to me and I will think, “Whoa! What was that?” But if I react in a certain way, it could take it to a whole other stratosphere of pain. But if I choose not to be offended … sometimes I will look back and realize I was wrong. By choosing not to be offended, or by forgiving the other person, it just keeps everything moving right along. What happens is you get that grace, too, because you’re going to be wrong.

eH: You had a lot of advice in your book. You made a lot of the same mistakes over and over. What was your inspiration in writing it? Did you want to show people it was okay to keep trying?

TC: I wanted to show people, “Wow! It took me 40 years.” I got to another place. I am a different person now. But I also had to bust the bubble because people were like, “Terry Crews is so amazing.” My wife was over there with a big sigh, going, “No way.” I was like, “We’ve got to bust this bubble here, because nobody is like that.” Everybody is imperfect.

That’s another thing. You talk about dating, everybody brings their pain, they bring their issues, they bring all their stuff into it. The thing is, you’ve got to ask yourself, “Are you the person to deal with their baggage?” Because you will. No one is perfect and the whole idea of romance means non-reality. Once you get rid of the fantasy, it hits you really, really hard. The first couple of years of marriage are very, very intense because all the smoke and mirrors are gone and you see the person as they really are. Now you have to assess, “Whoa! What did I get into?”

Truer words were never spoken! Follow Terry on Twitter, Facebook and check out his amazing new book, Manhood.

The post Terry Crews: How to Be a Better Man in Love and Marriage appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Wednesday

9

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

5 Reasons to ‘Date’ Yourself

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Imagine knowing yourself on a deeper, more gratifying, less judgmental level. Imagine being able to describe yourself to others while being empowered by your strengths and experiences and not cringing at the thought of your weaknesses and struggles. Imagine taking care of yourself, owning your needs and treating yourself with the love and nurturance you would give to a baby or child.

Dating provides the platform to get to know someone, giving you the opportunity to assess if your personalities, goals, and values are compatible. Dating allows you to learn about a potential partner’s likes, dislikes, background, passions, beliefs, and the like. This knowledge is key to forming a romantic bond, however, it raises an important question — how much is dating focused on getting to know someone else when you might feel that you really do not know yourself?

This question leads me to the fun yet frightening exploration process of dating yourself. This is a practice I recommend to my clients who are newly single, grieving a breakup or divorce, attracting unhealthy partners or who are struggling with being single or not connecting on their dates.

Dating yourself might include everything and anything from checking out a new restaurant, seeing a movie or live music, hiking, going to a spa, attending a book talk, running or taking a dance or cooking class solo. It might also include writing a gratitude note to yourself, journaling, treating yourself to a massage or cooking yourself a delicious dinner with the recipe you have been wanting to try. The point is to confidently embark on the journey of doing what you love and what brings you happiness without waiting for anyone (especially a partner) to do it with you or for you.

In order to get the most out of this experience, dating yourself should also include allotting some time to be alone and connect with yourself without planned activities. Solitude aids you in developing a healthy relationship with yourself and discovering who you are.

Although this idea might feel completely overwhelming at first, there are many healthy benefits to dating yourself. Here are five:

1. Dating yourself gets you out of your comfort zone and into healthy risk-taking mode, especially if you tend to stay away from going out of your home solo or resist doing activities without the company of someone else.

2. Dating yourself reinforces the idea that love and happiness start within, teaching you to look within for the support, encouragement and love that you naturally crave. This puts less pressure on potential partners to be responsible for your happiness and health.

3. Dating yourself increases your self-esteem and worthiness as you actively value and care for yourself. It shows you that you are deserving of great care and attention and helps you expect that (in a healthy way) from your future partner(s).

4. Dating yourself gives you the opportunity to get to know who you are in a deeper way, bringing you insight about what is really important to you. This knowledge is vital to partner selection, attraction and maintaining healthy relationships with others.

5. Dating yourself teaches you to enjoy alone time and how to be independent, furthering the health of your present and future relationships and tying into the healthy balance of separateness and togetherness in relationships. It allows you to be happy with and without a partner.

If you’re still not sold…think about it like this: The more fear or discomfort you have about dating yourself, the more valuable this process will be. If you find yourself anxious or worrying about judgment from others for doing activities alone, look inward, notice your thoughts and make room for them without attachment.

About the Author:

Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Nationally Certified Counselor and relationship coach, specializing in psychotherapy for individuals and couples via her private practice in Bethesda, Maryland. Rachel’s areas of expertise include relationships, self-esteem, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and stress management. Rachel is a co-author to Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life, an International Bestseller, written to support single women in decreasing frustration about single-hood, leaving the past behind, cultivating self-love and forming and maintaining loving relationships. Rachel also serves as a Relationship Expert for http://www.datingadvice.com/ and other dating and relationship advice websites. Follow her on Twitter for more daily wisdom!

The post 5 Reasons to ‘Date’ Yourself appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Wednesday

9

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

6 Signs This is ‘Not’ The Guy for You

Written by , Posted in Advice

The endless search for lasting love can be exhausting, frustrating, and depressing. In a world dominated by social media, serial dating, and a cheating rate of 60% of all married couples, we may questions why we search. We search because we want to be in love. We want to feel that connection and safety with another person. However, making smart decisions when it comes to love is a huge part of this picture. Here are some things to think about, ladies, as you get to know that new guy!

6 Signs this is NOT the “The Guy”

1. Mr. Unavailable: If you cannot easily get in touch with him when he lives in the same city, something is up. For a woman, it’s always a little nerve-wracking to reach out to a new guy. If you call him and he sounds annoyed or inconvenienced or only returns some of your calls/texts, maybe this isn’t the guy.

2. Mr. Invalidation: If they last time he complimented you was the day you met, then this is a guy who does not value you the way you deserve. Not that a man should be falling all over himself to compliment you, but he should be proud to be yours and under no uncertain terms let you know this as often as possible. Any healthy partnership is based on recognizing and making the other person feel good. This is natural to the feeling of love.

3. Mr. Only Good In the Moment: When you have confusion because you have an amazing time when you are together, but he hardly makes an effort to be together, he may not be having as much fun as you think. If thoughts of you seem to vanish from his mind when you are not around, and he has every excuse as to why he cannot see you, it is time to walk away, regardless of how good you feel it is when you do spend time together. A man who really wants a woman makes the effort to be with her.

4. Mr. I Want a Mama: If you notice he is always low on funds, food in his fridge and cannot keep his place clean, this man is looking for a mama. He will take from you, allow you to care for him and not value you all at the same time. This is a clear sign he cannot take care of himself. Get up and run.

5. My Way or The Highway: This guy is inflexible. Things must go his way for any type of relationship to be established. When you are straightforward with him about what you expect he may agree but when it comes down to it, if it isn’t his way it will be the highway, so start driving. Relationships require flexibility in an effort for both partners to get their needs met. All things cannot be based on one person’s idea of timing.

6. Mr. Quitter: If this man would let you walk away without any type of a fight then he was either never invested, or he knows deep down you are too good for him. Your first real fight will give you an idea if he is a quitter. If you find you have to fix everything when clearly he is in the wrong, you are setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to help fix or nurture the relationship. He would rather give up. This person doesn’t have much self-value, and certainly not enough of a work ethic to value anyone else.

All of these men may seem easy to spot, but any one or combination of these traits could happen in your relationships and you will be amazed and what kind mental trickery you will do to stay. You will first search every reason, that regardless of what it looks like, that you have enough evidence he does love you. This is happening because the relationship is still providing you with some amount of value, happiness and pleasure; you have an attachment to him and this is hard to let go of.

Little Life Message: If staying with a man comes from making excuses and justifying his substandard treatment, you are missing out on meeting someone who can love you, no excuses.

About the Author:

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of Loving Yourself, and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. Receive free insights from Sherrie and get involved in her Facebook community with others looking to improve their relationships.

The post 6 Signs This is ‘Not’ The Guy for You appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Tuesday

1

July 2014

0

COMMENTS

15 Reasons to Date a School Counselor

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Thank goodness for those who devote their lives to improving the well-being of our youth. Lots of kids have challenges of various kinds, and school counselors are among the trained professionals who intervene to help them overcome problems, gain vital skills, and develop self-esteem.

The skills and qualities that make school counselors so valuable in education settings translate well to personal relationships, naturally. Consider these reasons to date one of these professionals:

1. School counselors are empathetic, showing genuine concern for those who are struggling.

2. These professionals know how to collaborate—with teachers, parents, and administrators. Collaboration is, of course, essential to the success of romantic relationships as well.

3. Patience … school counselors have lots of patience.

4. They have strong communication skills, which will benefit a dating relationship.

5. Counselors are highly educated, having earned a graduate degree and license, along with continuing education requirements.

6. Got a problem? Even though you’re no longer in K-12, a school counselor can offer sage advice.

7. They know how to negotiate and compromise, often working within pressure-filled systems and with a variety of personalities.

8. Counselors are great listeners. If you want to be heard, you’ve come to the right person.

9. These men and women are service-oriented, helpful, and caring—qualities that would enrich any relationship.

10. School counselors know how to handle stress. They are required to deal calmly and effectively with challenging people and situations.

11. If you have children or hope to someday, a counselor will bring a wealth of experience and skills to the adult-child relationship.

12. Since school counselors typically work in conjunction with the school calendar, they get summers and holiday breaks off. Lots of time for you to play, vacation, and relax with your counselor-lover.

13. These people get daily glimpses into family dynamics—the good, the bad, and ugly—which provide insights for his/her own family.

14. School counselors are dedicated to bringing out the best in others. Who wouldn’t want a romantic partner like that?

15. Their work is never boring. After all, kids say (and do) the darndest things.

Why else should one date a school counselor?

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Monday

30

June 2014

0

COMMENTS

15 Ways to Tell if Someone is the Right Match for You

Written by , Posted in Advice

Every person looking for a great relationship knows the importance of compatibility. You want to find someone whose beliefs, interests, and goals align with your own. The level of similarity will largely determine the fulfillment and stability you enjoy (or not) over the years to come.

Which brings us to a critical question: How exactly do you assess the degree of compatibility between you and a love interest?

1. Start with a thorough, reliable personality test. This will reveal areas of similarity and differences between you both.

2. Explore your family background and upbringing. That is what had the greatest influence on who you would eventually become.

3. Compare your dealbreakers and must-haves. Do you match up well with the qualities you’re looking for and wanting to avoid?

4. Ask yourself if you’re pretending to enjoy your partner’s interests (and vice versa). Sometimes we intentionally or unintentionally fool ourselves–and our partners—by acting enthusiastic about hobbies and pursuits. Over time, this false enthusiasm will fade away.

5. Assess your combination of passion and companionship. The most enduring chemistry between two people includes both passionate “sizzle” and deep friendship.

6. Recognize any cute quirks that might irk over time. Sometimes the habits and idiosyncrasies that seem charming while dating will grate on you through the years.

7. Gauge the level of acceptance you feel. Compatible couples feel a strong sense of harmony and freedom to be themselves.

8. Talk at length about your core values. Are you similar when it comes to your strongly held beliefs about social issues, spirituality, finances, politics, and child rearing?

9. Identify the differences that do exist. No matter how compatible the two of you are, there are bound to be some differences. Determine if those are related to significant issues that will impact your relationship over time—or relatively small issues that are be negotiated.

10. Observe each other in lots of different circumstances. Watch how each of you acts around family, work colleagues, at home, with children, and so on.

11. Evaluate your effectiveness at resolving conflicts. Where dissimilarities exist, are you and a partner able to talk them through and reach a fair resolution?

12. Look ahead. The standard job interview question is, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” This is also a question you should carefully consider. Do your goals and aspirations for the future complement each other’s?

13. Take a hard look at your personal habits. All the nitty-gritty aspects of daily life—punctuality, neatness, grooming, weight management—can prove to a source of tension if two people having much different styles of living.

14. Notice how stress is handled. Pressure-filled situations tend to reveal our true nature. As Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas lights.”

15. Appraise your adaptability. A flexible personality enables you to ride out storms and adjust to all kinds of challenges. This will be essential for dealing with the areas where you aren’t compatible.

The post 15 Ways to Tell if Someone is the Right Match for You appeared first on eHarmony Advice.