You might not have known this if you’ve used popular dating app Tinder, but the service secretly calculates a score that ranks the most (and least) desirable people swiping on the service.
And every single Tinder user has a score.
In an article for Fast Company, reporter Austin Carr was interviewing Tinder founder Sean Rad, who let him know this wasn’t some urban myth. In fact, Rad went so far as to admit that not only does each user have a desirability score, but that ...
We talk about heartache when love is lost. We talk about hearts fluttering when love is found. We send heart emojis and heart-shaped Valentine's and make hand hearts on Instagram. We're heart-obsessed.
It was only a matter of time before someone harnessed that obsession, added a little science, and tied it to another popular obsession: health an ...
OkCupid has built a reptuation as one of the more open-minded dating services available for singles. In their latest progressive move, the site is adding a feature designed to help users explore nonmonogamy.
The new setting became available for some beta users last December and rolled out site-wide in Januray 2016. Polyamorous daters who are listed as “seeing someone,” “married,” or “in an open relationship” can now link their profiles with their partners' profiles and search fo ...
The business of online dating continues to grow, as more apps enter the market and compete for funding from investors ready to cash in on the next Tinder. The latest financial news in the industry involves popular gay dating app Grindr, who just announced that Chinese online gaming titan Beijing Kunlun Tech has taken a “majority investment” in their app.
According to The New York Times, Beijing Kunlun’s stake in the company will be about 60%, with the remainder to be ow ...
Friends Reunited won’t be available to message, post and keep in touch anymore. The once-popular social site, founded in 2000, was left in the dust by rivals such as MySpace and later, to a larger extent, Facebook.
Friends Reunited has a turbulent history. At one point a tech darling after quickly gaining three million subscribers in 2003, it was sold to ITV in 2005 for 125 million pounds, or about $208 million US. At its peak, 23 million users were on Friends Reunited....
As a relationship coach, I’m on the front lines every day hearing all the latest and most common ways that otherwise good people mess up their intimate relationships. While there are a million stories in the big city, the truth is that breakups usually tend to fall into a few primary categories.
We all have our own unique challenges related to the way we see and interact with the world around us. The good news is that a lot of our issues could be avoided if more people were aware of the huge differences in how men and women navigate the world.
So here they are in no particular order…the 9 biggest mistakes women make in relationships.
1. You Don’t Know Your Own Value
This might be one of the most common issues. Do you chase after bad boys who treat you poorly and only want them more? Are you attracted to all the unavailable guys? Are you afraid to ask for what you want? Do you put up with nonsense expecting that “one day” it will magically change? If so, welcome to the club — you are far from alone.
You, my dear, do not know your value.
The truth is that there are only two fears in the human condition: one is that you’re “not enough,” and two is that you won’t be loved.
Let’s be clear: this will keep you single until it changes. Ironically, the thing that will keep you stuck here for years (or even decades) is that no man can really respect a woman who will allow him to treat her so shabbily, so this truly is a self-inflicted wound.
I’m sorry for being so blunt, but the truth will set you free — even if it makes you angry or defensive first.
If that’s the case, don’t bother getting mad at me. I care enough to level with you so you can actually have all the love you truly deserve.
2. You Over-Rely On Your Masculine Energy
Many of my clients are highly successful women and well known in their communities. They’re doctors, lawyers, executives and entrepreneurs, but they can’t attract — or keep — a man.
Ironically, their success is oftentimes a result of the fact that deep inside, these women also have huge doubts about their self-value. (Do you see a theme here?) In fact, it’s their overcompensation that often leads to their success.
The problem only gets dramatically worse if they’re divorced or are single parents because in order to be the sole provider or protector, too, their entire day is spent living in their masculine, achiever energy. While that may be effective in paying the bills, when you spend too much time there, it’s nearly impossible to transition out of that and re-embrace your feminine energy again.
The fact is, if you can do it all by yourself, a man will look at you and see no role for himself; unless, of course, he’s looking for a sugar mama. I definitely don’t recommend that arrangement either.
If you think it doesn’t sound so bad, re-read item #1.
3. You Simply Don’t ‘Get’ Or Understand Men
Women who understand how men work and appreciate them for their masculine gifts have a way of kissing frogs and turning them into princes.
Likewise, women who are jaded, frustrated or have been burned too many times can kiss a good man and turn him into a frog. The fact is, women are far more complex and men are fairly simple creatures who actually are pre-wired to want to serve you — if you know how to inspire them.
4. You Try To Change Him Or Don’t Accept Him As He Is
There’s nothing that turns off a man like meeting a woman he’s trying to impress and then having her immediately try to turn him into her latest project she is going to fix.
Maybe it’s criticizing the way he dresses, insulting his table manners, or ridiculing his appearance or grooming habits.
Women have a way of doing that because they tend to be caretakers by nature but frankly, it usually doesn’t end well for either party, and it just feels bad all the way around.
At best, unrequested suggestions are usually unwelcome. At worst, they’re insulting and emasculating.
People want to be seen, heard and appreciated for who they are; if you feel the need to change him with your complaints, ridicule, teasing or even unrequested “helpful hints,” let me ask you a question: How would you like it if he did that to you?
5. You Don’t Really Appreciate What Men Do For You
On the other extreme of women not knowing their value are the self-centered women who seemingly believe they are “owed” something.
They are not grateful that a man opted to spend his time, talent, or treasure with her. In fact, they have an attitude of entitlement. You may be surprised how many women stay in relationships with men — or even multiple men — for the gifts and prizes.
It’s also not unheard of for women to accept free dinners, order the most expensive things on the menu and then disappear or be busy when a man tries to ask them out again. If you think the term “gold digger” sounds bad, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior.
Ladies, you’re not the only one who can develop trust issues. If you’ve treated a man this way before, just know that some of your dating struggles might be dating karma coming back to you.
Taking advantage of others for your own gain is not only unattractive — it’s indefensible.
6. You Don’t Share Your Gifts
The gift of the masculine sex is his ability to protect and provide. In fact, he takes great pride in it and will oftentimes even willingly risk his health or life in order to do that effectively.
In fact, elderly men who seemingly “lose their purpose” or ability to provide as effectively after retirement may spiral into depression, suffer anxiety or even die prematurely when they no longer feel “needed.” Those two things are that hard-wired into masculine energy that they are a matter of life and death.
So what, you may ask, is the gift of the feminine sex?
The essence of femininity is the innate desire to nurture or look after your man. It’s about reciprocation and putting one another first. If you’re not doing that, you’re more interested in taking than giving, and healthy relationships aren’t about taking.
They’re about giving. You need to figure out what exactly you bring to the table for him and then understand his love language to see whether he even values what you’re offering.
7. You Create Drama Instead Of Memories
As I said earlier, men are relatively simple creatures who navigate the world via logic and reason — it just doesn’t make sense to be all worked up constantly.
They love to prove their value by solving problems and making things easy. They tend to be laid back and easygoing when they’re not working, and they also typically hate to waste effort if they can’t see a potential upside.
That’s why men quickly tire of the drama that arises when women get caught up in emotion and upset. Just be aware that if you kind of like the attention you get when you stir things up, it just might turn into a very short-term gain, if you know what I mean.
8. You Either Didn’t Build Trust — Or You Broke It
If a man is going to consider a future with you, he has got to believe that you respect him and have his back while he has yours.
Inside every little boy is a desire to grow up and be a hero and a good man who feels connected to you will give his all to be your hero. In fact, he may even give his life to protect you.
His commitment is that deep. In return, he must be able to trust that you have his best interests in mind also. Men also tend to strongly resonate with the concept of honor which is the backbone of the military code.
Bottom line, a good man has high standards and you’ll have to as well if you’re going to keep him.
9. You Tried To Tie Him Down Too Soon
This may be one of the biggest mistakes women make over and over again. After one date, one kiss, or even one intimate encounter, women often seem to think they’re now magically in a “relationship.”
Actually, not so fast. First of all, that’s not the time to negotiate your terms, and masculine energy has a very different criteria for that designation.
The truth is men have an almost primitive drive and preference for the concept of freedom that practically lies in their DNA. Add to that it’s basic human nature that as soon as you grab someone quickly, they instinctively and reflexively pull away. While that may sound like men have no interest in monogamy, that’s not exactly true.
Masculine energy will absolutely commit and voluntarily give up their freedom, but only after they’re convinced that you offer something better.
The key is — timing is everything. Let a man pursue you and never try to take his freedom; it can only be surrendered.
The Bonus Mistake That Didn’t Make The List:
I had one more that’s quite common. That’s partly because it’s more of a misunderstanding that leads to a belief or attitude than a mistake. You’re looking for a man to “complete” you when that’s your job.
Those who invest in themselves and do some personal development work have a huge advantage when it comes to attracting and keeping all the love they deserve. They’ve done the work to heal their wounds.
They understand how to elegantly, effectively, and efficiently connect with another human being. Like anything else in life, it all comes down to the right amount of preparation and perspiration to have what you want in life.
More at YourTango:
No one denies that life in the modern era is stressful—and dating can add another layer of worry. You get nervous about going out with someone new (who doesn’t?), and may start asking yourself, “Am I ever going to find a great partner? Why don’t my relationships work out? Am I doing something wrong?”
If this sounds familiar to you, take a deep breath and choose to enjoy the pursuit of love. Start here:
1. Don’t stop believin’ … in yourself. Believe the best about yourself, and know that you have lots to bring to the right relationship.
2. Don’t stop believin’ … in your future partner. Yes, the love of your life is out there, and that person is probably dreaming about you right now, too.
3. Choose wisely the words that write your inner script. When you edit out words like “hopeless,” “never,” and “futile,” you will see stress replaced by optimism.
4. Look ahead with confidence. Stress comes when you feel destined to forever stand on the outside of love looking in. Just because you’ve had bad luck in the past doesn’t mean you won’t have brilliant luck in the future.
5. Acknowledge what’s in your control and what’s not. There are lots of things you can control (such as meeting new people and taking risks) and things you can’t (getting someone to respond to your texts). Do all you can, and let go of the rest.
6. Fend off other people’s insensitive comments. Your parents, siblings, or friends might add to your stress by remarking about your love life (or lack thereof). Next time you get one of these zingers, just smile and walk away. Resolve to let those prying or pushy comments slide right off you.
7. Refuse to pin your happiness on someone else’s presence in your life. Of course you want to find that special someone to share your life with, but being happy and fulfilled right where you are—in a relationship or not—will relieve the pressure to find romance.
8. Know that dating does not determine your value. Dating isn’t a high-stakes referendum on your personal appeal. To lower your stress level, mentally disconnect your self-worth from anything outside of yourself, including your relationship status.
9. Ease the pressure. Your dates will be far less stressful if your intent is simply to have fun–and if that fun date turns into something more, then that’s all the better.
10. Practice “purposeful gratitude.” Stress always screams loudest for our attention, but gratitude turns down the volume and shifts the focus to the abundance of things to be thankful for.
11. Realize that your attitude shapes your actions. Your thoughts and beliefs organize a thousand unseen signals you send to the world every day and influence subtle decisions that affect your search for lasting love.
12. Take good care of yourself. Keep in mind the axiom, “Dating is a marathon, not a sprint.” Be intentional about maintaining your physical and mental health for the trek.
13. Take inventory of all the things you’re doing right. Stress escalates when we focus on what’s going wrong. Reverse that trend by recounting what you are doing well in your love life.
14. Release stress-inducing emotions. Regrets, anger, and grudges sap your energy and drag you down. Forget the past, and choose to move on.
15. Let go of your sense of urgency. Where new romance is concerned, there is absolutely no hurry. Take one small step at a time, and clear-mindedly see how things unfold.
About Ashley and eH+:
eHarmony’s service, eH+ , gives you the benefit of a personal matchmaker who picks your matches and guides you to success. We’re taking the best of what eHarmony does and combining that with what personal matchmakers do best – person-to-person conversation, opportunities for feedback, and coaching to put your best foot forward.
eHarmony users, be sure to include your phone number in your account information so that Ashley can contact you if you are a match for an eH+ client.