Chat and Flirt

Modern dating advice for the internet.

Thursday

18

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

The Rise of Online Dating, The Challenges It Faces, And What The Future Holds

Written by , Posted in Articles

These days, it's almost hard to believe that online dating wasn't always part of our lives. It feels seamlessly integrated into our daily routines - to the point that it's even infiltrated our phones - but in reality the industry didn't get its start until the late 90s and the road to 2014 was far from smooth.

In the early days of online dating, it was quietly laughed at by the polite and openly scorned by the impolite. It was viewed as an impersonal way to find love, and using an online dating site came with a heaping spoonful of stigma. But over time, a new generation of tech savvy singles arose and with them came a revolution.

Now daters of all kinds, young and old alike, have discovered the benefits of using online dating services and the industry has exploded around the world. As always, with success come new challenges. Online dating still faces criticism, and someone is always ready and willing to tell a horror story of a first date gone awry. Complain ...

Wednesday

17

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

Photos – The Double Standards Of Online Dating

Written by , Posted in Articles

If you want to put your best foot forward and drum up the most interest from potential partners, you won't be surprised to learn that it all comes down to your profile photo.

Okay, not all of it. Some people do actually read the words you painstakingly chose. But let's be real: the profile pic is the first thing someone sees, and it has a lot to do with how well you sell yourself online.

Before you start contemplating plastic surgery, remember that the perfect profile picture isn't about conventional beauty. There are plenty of other factors that go into a photo that catches eyes, and none of them have to do with how well you apply eyeliner or how much time you spend in the gym.

Zoosk conducted a study of 4,000 online daters and discovered some of the more unexpected elements that attract attention online:

  • Yes, your pet is cute, but your furry friend is not helping you find a date. Photos with animals lower the average num ...

Tuesday

16

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

True or False: ‘Before You Can Be Happy with Someone Else, You Have to Be Happy by Yourself.’

Written by , Posted in Advice

Have you ever been told you haven’t found love because you need it too much? That you have to be happy by yourself first? Or have you said these things to yourself?

These myths sound so plausible. It’s actually true that we can’t love others more than we love ourselves, and we need to love ourselves so we can absorb someone else’s love for us.

But the belief that you have to be happy alone to be happy with someone else is not the same idea. You can love yourself and still need people—including one life partner. In fact, it is human to do so.

As a species, we developed in context with other human beings. People did not evolve in isolation. There may have been some folks in ancient times who plunked their babies down on the ground, then wandered off, but it’s likely those kids didn’t become our ancestors. They became lunch!

The very dependence of human babies may be the reason two adults need one another so much. Our children are born so undeveloped, they take years to reach self-sufficiency. Many scientists say the sexual bond between parents needs to last not only long enough to create life—but to sustain it. No wonder reliance on friends, family, and community is not enough to create lasting happiness for most people most of the time; we’re wired up to find intimacy in partnership.

Today, the world is populated by people who need people.

I remember when my daughter, then six, came running in the door, breathless to tell me what she’d learned in school that day: “Mom, did you realize people *need* love? They don’t just want it. They *need* it. Like air!”

Yes. Being alone isn’t good for us. For most, singlehood is actually a noteworthy danger to mental health and life itself. Men who stay single or divorce, for instance, have about six times greater odds of death from all causes compared to married men. Even if you consider other factors, like money and gender and whether folks were married before, singletons have many struggles that marriage appears to ease.

Yesterday, I was out walking when a neighbor, a man in his late 90s, drove up. He held out a shaking hand to grasp mine as he told me his beloved wife had died the day before. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I know she’s the love of your life,” I said. He nodded, big tears rolling down his face: “We were very much in love. I miss her so.”

Other people’s opinion and treatment of us never stops mattering. Connection never becomes irrelevant. A need for intimacy is a genuine need, and when people meet that need, it improves our lives. It is not only against scientific finding, but flat-out weird to think that we ever stop needing others, including needing one special person.  

Indeed, you get closer to truth when you reverse the “happy alone” myth: In order to be happy with yourself, it helps to connect with another. Instead of shaming others who admit to wanting love, we should support them in their search.

Script to confront this harmful myth:

“I am a person, and people are wired to need other people. It’s perfectly natural and even healthy to want one special love in my life. I deserve to give and receive love~with pride, not shame.”

LoveFactually-Final-CoverAs one Wise Reader put it, “I always knew in my heart that my true happiness required not being alone. I always knew I wanted and needed to love and be loved. My problem was how to find it.”

He had it right. You can learn to find love. First, though, give yourself permission, sans shame.

Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, coming in January, 2015.  She also contributes at Psychology Today and teaches psychology at Austin-area universities.  Get a free chapter of Love Factually!

The post True or False: ‘Before You Can Be Happy with Someone Else, You Have to Be Happy by Yourself.’ appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Tuesday

16

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

Tinderoid offers guys a new way to Tinder

Written by , Posted in Articles

Tinder has become incredibly popular in the last couple of years, thanks to its game-like format of swiping left and right, and to its easy set-up. There’s no time-consuming process of writing a profile and anguishing over what to say in your messages. You cut to the chase: yes or no.

But now, people are looking for easier ways to date than even Tinder can provide. For those daters, there’s a new app for that called Tinderoid, short for Tinder on Steroids.

This app is mainly catering to the male Tinder users and online daters, especially ones who feel they aren’t getting enough matches. With online dating, guys send out mass emails when they aren't getting responses, hoping someone will email back. It increases the odds, at least. With Tinder, guys are adopting the strategy of saying “yes” to every match, and are just swiping right without ...

Monday

15

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

Yoga-Inspired Dating

Written by , Posted in Articles

I read this great article in [link:www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4214/10-YogaInspired-Rules-for-Dating.html Mind Body Green], listing 10 inspired rules about dating garnered from the author's yoga practice.

While I love a good yoga session, I'm not quite as versed on the yoga sutras as he was. But still...there is something to be said for how yoga can improve your outlook, attitude, and overall well-being, "on and off the mat" as my yoga instructor says, even if you don't know all the Sanskrit terminology. Because the most important thing a good yoga practice teaches us is to turn inward.

With this in mind, I've put together my own top 5 list of what yoga has taught me about dating:

Just breathe.

Nothing is more important in yoga than breathing. It is the essence of life. It also is a way we can allow ourselves to calm down, be present, and turn that constant stream of mind chatter off so we are more in tune with our mind and bo ...

Sunday

14

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

OkCupid’s Christian Rudder Releases New Book, ‘Dataclysm’

Written by , Posted in Articles

If you were a fan of the OkTrends blog – and let’s be real, who wasn’t? – your day is about to get a little better. Though the brilliant blog is no more, its writer, Christian Rudder, has plenty more to say on the subject of the human side of Big Data. He has just released a new book that explores who we are in a world in which we make an increasing amount of data about ourselves available online.

The book is called Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). Sites like OkCupid collect vast amounts of information on their users in order to provide better service, and in doing so raise some interesting questions. Rudder believes the info isn’t just useful for the websites – he also believes it may change the way we see ourselves.

That being said, he readily admits that data isn’t everything. "Look,” he ...

Saturday

13

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

7 Tips For Choosing The Best Photos For Your Online Dating Profile

Written by , Posted in Articles

With millions of people signed up for online dating sites, making a memorable first impression is a must. And what makes the ultimate first impression?

Your photos, of course. Choosing the right selection of pictures could make or break your online dating experience. Here are 7 tips to set you on the right track:

1. More is more. Having just one photo on your profile isn’t going to cut it. The more photos you have, the better you’re able to show off who you really are (and at the end of the day that’s the point, isn’t it?). Use each photo as an opportunity to illustrate a specific side of your personality.

2. But sometimes, less is more. A busy background detracts from the most important part of the picture: YOU! Photos with multiple people have the same effect. Intense make-up and over-the-top clothing can also distract from the person underneath. Choose photos in which you’re the center of attention. If you have a ...

Friday

12

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

New Dating App Mashr Plays Matchmaker via your Phone

Written by , Posted in Articles

Ever wanted to be set up by a friend? Or have you been introduced to a potential date over Facebook by a mutual Facebook friend? If you prefer meeting dates through friends rather than strangers, you might be interested to know there’s now an app for making these types of introductions.

This idea isn’t a new one. Jess Meet Ken is an online dating service that allows you to set up your single guy friends by recommending them to your Facebook friends. Hinge and CoffeeMeetsBagel are both matchmaking apps that introduce you to potential dates via your circle of friends on Facebook. Even Tinder got into the matchmaking game over a year ago with its service Matchmaker, which allowed its users to introduce their Facebook friends to each other. Tinder has since phased out this feature.

But Mashr insists it is doing things a little differently and will be successf ...

Thursday

11

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

Tinder’s Star is Still Rising

Written by , Posted in Articles

A recent report of Tinder’s financial worth shows that its users aren’t going away anytime soon. The massively popular dating app is poised to increase its value and market share further over the next year. According to Market Watch, Tinder is growing at such a rate that Barclays predicts its valuation will reach $1.1 billion by the end of 2015, adding to IAC’s current $5.68 billion market cap. IAC owns many of the most popular dating sites, including Match.com.

What makes its value so high, considering the app is free for download? The answer is in the sheer number of users who download the app. As with most online dating sites, perception is key: the more users a site has, the more people will gravitate to it because they think their chances of getting a date, relationship or even hook-up increase.

Tinder’s popularity has taken off thanks to younger daters who embraced the mobile technology and liken Tinder to a game that is easy and fun to use. Plus, it ha ...

Wednesday

10

September 2014

0

COMMENTS

15 Ways to Make an Ordinary Day Extraordinary

Written by , Posted in Advice

Most of us look forward to big events — birthdays, job promotions, a party — to consider a day very special. That makes sense. But the danger in waiting for momentous events is that we might miss the simple joys and delights of ordinary days.

Here’s a reminder that each day can be extraordinary if we will be intentional and make a little effort. Try these:

1. Stop and look around. There’s something you’ve been passing by each day without really noticing—the statue on the street corner or the mural on the side of that old building. Today’s the day to notice.

2. Do something childlike. Finger paint, climb on a jungle gym, make s’mores, read your favorite children’s book—let your inner kid loose for a while.

3. Meditate, or at least pause to think. In our fast-paced world, we need to be deliberate about stopping to ponder and process.

4. Make someone’s day. Give a surprise gift to a child you know. Buy a sandwich for a homeless person. Pay a big compliment to someone.

5. Take a gratitude break. Setting aside ten minutes to count your blessings is sure to give you a boost.

6. Call your best friend and set up time together. The anticipation of being with your close friends will lift your spirits.

7. Forgive someone. You’ll lighten your emotional load if you let go of hurts you’ve been holding on to.

8. Look yourself over—with admiration. Most people are hard on themselves when it comes to appearance. Go on, admire your best qualities.

9. Contact a friend or family member you’ve been out of touch with. Call with an out-of-the-blue “I’m thinking of you.”

10. Express your creativity. Take a break from work to draw a picture, watercolor, or blog!

11. Say hello to someone you’ve passed many times but never spoken to. Who knows—it could be a friendship in the making.

12. Write a thank you note to someone not expecting one. That’s a gift to both of you.

13. Dream about your next adventure. Check out travel magazines or websites and begin planning your getaway.

14. Break out of a rut. Get your coffee from a new place, try a new form of exercise, watch a movie different from your usual genre.

15. Take a risk and ask out that person you’ve been working up the courage to call. Go for it. It’ll make your day.

How else could you make an ordinary day extraordinary?

The post 15 Ways to Make an Ordinary Day Extraordinary appeared first on eHarmony Advice.