Chat and Flirt

Modern dating advice for the internet.

Thursday

28

April 2016

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15 Ways to Interact in a Crowd — When You Hate Crowds

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If you are in a relationship—or want to be—you’re sure to find yourself in a crowd of new people at some point. A friend might drag you to a singles’ mixer, your roommate might host a party with guests you don’t know, or your new partner might bring you to a family gathering.

You may have no problem mingling in a crowd. But maybe you—like many people—find it intimidating. Here’s how to not only survive but thrive when you find yourself entering a social scenario:

  1. Go in prepared. Ahead of time, think about how you want to present yourself and interact with others. If you were giving a presentation at work, you’d prepare and practice. So why not do the same thing when going into a crowd?
  2. Quiet your inner critic. That voice in your head might whisper that you’re wearing the wrong outfit, you’re bad at small talk, and your jokes always fall flat. Be aware of these disapproving messages—and tell them to go away.
  3. Know that you’re not the only one feeling anxious. Lots of people are skilled at covering up their anxiety or compensating for it. But be assured that many people feel uneasy in crowds.
  4. Let go of the pressure to be something you’re not. If you’re not the life-of-the-party type, so what? If you’re not a social butterfly, so what? Your anxiety will dissipate when you realize you only have to be YOU.
  5. Remember to smile. The simplest strategies are often the most powerful. A smile stands out from the more common expressions people wear that convey fatigue, arrogance, or boredom.
  6. Resist the urge to hide. You might feel tempted to find an inconspicuous corner of the room and try to go unnoticed. But doing so will make you feel even more awkward and deprive you of opportunities to meet interesting people.
  7. Leverage your body language. Your physical demeanor signals important things about yourself. Make sure your nonverbals communicate that you’re welcoming and receptive.
  8. Don’t wait to be approached. If you hold back, waiting for someone else to initiate, you might be standing like a statue for quite a while. With a smile and an extended hand, go introduce yourself to someone.
  9. Find a friendly face. Looking around at a roomful of people can be intimidating. But all you really need to do is find ONE approachable person. You don’t have to work the whole room; just get acquainted with one inviting individual.
  10. Push yourself to participate. Let intentional involvement triumph over your fearful reluctance to join in.
  11. Realize that someone else will be relieved to meet you too. No one goes to a social event hoping to stare at the carpet all evening. When you make the effort to reach out, you’ll make someone’s day.
  12. Listen closely. Ask a question, then listen to the response as if there is nowhere else you’d rather be. Most people can’t resist being the object of someone’s attention, and you’ll quickly move past introductions into a genuine conversation.
  13. Keep conversations positive and upbeat. Conversations that begin with complaints or criticism generally go nowhere but downhill from there. It is far more interesting to discuss your likes than dislikes.
  14. Assume the best about people. You might presume that others are sizing you up, judging you, or wondering what you’re doing there anyway. The truth is, most people are gracious and accepting.
  15. Remain optimistic about the possibilities. Everyone in the group is a conversation waiting to happen—wanting to happen. Each person you meet is a potential friend, ally, or love.

 

The post 15 Ways to Interact in a Crowd — When You Hate Crowds appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Thursday

28

April 2016

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COMMENTS

Tuesday

26

April 2016

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COMMENTS

Monday

25

April 2016

0

COMMENTS

How to Give Yourself Some Love Advice

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One thing we can all agree on: In the world we live in, there is no shortage of information, input, and advice … and no shortage of people dispensing it. An abundance of relationship experts and love gurus offer tips and rules for successfully pursuing romance. Some of this advice is very helpful; some, not so much. (We hope our articles fall into the helpful category.)

All of that said, the best advice about your love life might come from a source you are tempted to overlook: YOU. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else does, you understand your past joys and struggles, and you’ve gained insights into romance and relationships over the years. So while taking in guidance from wise counselors, be sure to heed the wisdom that comes from yourself.

Here’s how:

Honestly assess your dating history. Lots of people look back on former relationships and remember only the enjoyable, ecstatic moments. Others dwell only on the headaches and heartaches. Recognizing both the positives and negatives will help keep things in perspective — and help you let go of the past more easily and to move forward with wisdom.

Understand your dating fears. Nearly everyone has fear when it comes to dating: fear of rejection, fear of getting duped, fear of getting stuck in a dead-end relationship. Sometimes these fears serve as a helpful safeguard; sometimes they prevent us from taking risks that have huge upside potential. Is your fear based on actual danger, or is it fueled by old baggage you’ve yet to unpack and unload? Understanding where your fear comes from may lead to guidance worth following.

Identify lessons learned that will help in future relationships. What insights can you discern that will enable you to avoid trouble next time around? Nearly every experience — difficult or delightful — teaches us something. Seek to gain a clearer picture of what you need in a partner and what you want to avoid. Learning from the good experiences and the bad ones will make you a wiser dating partner in the future.

Write out the advice to yourself. No doubt you’ve picked up lots of dos and don’ts along the way — hard-earned rules of the road on the journey toward lasting love. Clarify your thoughts by writing your own advice and lessons learned in a journal. Create your own principles for success, and review them often.

Take time to explore your own inner world … you may find that the best advice about love and romance for you comes from within.

About Ashley and eH+:

eH+Ashsuit09102014-15eHarmony’s service, eH+ , gives you the benefit of a personal matchmaker who picks your matches and guides you to success. We’re taking the best of what eHarmony does and combining that with what personal matchmakers do best – person-to-person conversation, opportunities for feedback, and coaching to put your best foot forward.

Learn More about eH+.

eHarmony users, be sure to include your phone number in your account information so that Ashley can contact you if you are a match for an eH+ client.

The post How to Give Yourself Some Love Advice appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Monday

25

April 2016

0

COMMENTS

Zoosk Study Reveals The Biggest Online Dating Turn Off

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In today’s visual world, we put a lot of thought into how we look online. The perfect selfie is only perfect because 27 selfies have been taken before. Instagram filters are layered on until the subject looks more alien than human. And when it comes to choosing photos for your online dating profile, no shot ever seems good enough.

But what if your images aren’t the most important part of your profile? Zoosk surveyed more than 9,000 singles about their ...

Saturday

23

April 2016

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COMMENTS

The Tide is Turning on “Hook-Up” Dating Culture

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According to The New York Times’ story last year on the current (and dismal) state of dating culture - dubbed the “Dating Apocalypse” - most Millennials using dating apps are just looking to hook up. In this feature story, we read several personal anecdotes from New York singles who were struggling with Tinder, ghosting, and meeting people who had ...

Friday

22

April 2016

0

COMMENTS

Your Long Distance Relationship: Signs it Could be in Trouble

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“Was he acting weird?”
“She seemed bored.”
“It used to be wonderful. What happened?”

People ask themselves questions like these all the time when they think something is “off” in their relationship. When you can spend regular face-to-face time with your partner, it’s easier to follow up on that sinking feeling and figure out whether you really should be worried or if you just misread the situation.

But it’s not so easy when you’re in a long distance relationship. When you don’t have the luxury of time together holding hands, hugging, kissing or regular uninterrupted talk, doubts can build and cause stress, strain, and problems. Think about how you act when you believe that something is wrong with your relationship: defensive, needy, clingy, insecure, and maybe even hostile.

Most people unintentionally push their love away as worries grow. Some make a conscious decision to shut out their partner, certain that he or she will be breaking up soon. You don’t have to suffer through another anxious moment. Get facts that will really help you know when there’s something potentially wrong in your long distance relationship.

1. You don’t have set rules or boundaries.

We’ve all got unique “rules” that reflect our expectations for what we want and how we think things should be. In a relationship, the trick is to communicate about rules openly, honestly, and without judgment. If you and your partner often make each other wrong for having different rules or if you’re stuck and can’t resolve a big conflict, this can mean trouble.

2. There is unequal effort from either side.

It can be miserable to feel like you’re doing all the work in your relationship. You’re always the one to call or text. You’re the one traveling the miles for a visit. You’re the one waiting by the computer for some response.

This might merely reflect that you and your partner have different needs for how frequently you communicate, or it might mean your partner isn’t as committed as you are.

3. You feel there’s an obligation to do something.

When talking or connecting with your partner feels like a chore or a lot of work, this can be a bad sign for your relationship. Anytime you’re acting from obligation instead of eagerness and excitement, something is out of whack.

Start with your own thoughts and make connections. When a “have to” or “should” comes to mind about your partner, back up and ask yourself what you really want to do instead.

4. Jealousy dominates the relationship.

Jealousy is a relationship-killer, especially in a long distance relationship. If your conversations revolve around interrogations, accusations or wariness about setting off jealousy in one or both of you, you’ve definitely got a problem.

5. You keep secrets from each other.

Pay attention when your partner is evasive or seems to be skipping important details. This could mean he or she is keeping secrets. If you’re withholding information because you’re afraid of disappointing or upsetting your beloved, think twice. Regardless of the “good” reason either of you may have for keeping secrets, this habit always weakens trust.

6. Everything is way too serious, and there’s no room for fun.

If it’s all “serious” talks and tension when you and your partner do get together (virtually or in person), it could mean that your relationship has taken a wrong turn. Love isn’t supposed to bring you down and bum you out. Sure, every couple has their challenges to work through, but a healthy relationship has its fair share of light and enjoyable moments mixed in as well.

If you do find one or more of these trouble signs in your relationship, don’t get upset about it; instead, take this as a wake up call and DO something different.

Without blame, get to the root of the conflict or unhealthy habit. Even if your partner refuses to talk about what’s causing problems in your relationship, you can start doing things differently which can have positive side effects.

Also make sure that the time you do spend together — whether it’s texting, emailing, Skyping, or another way — is focused and includes plenty of opportunities for romance and fun.

More at YourTango:

6 Signs You’re in Love with a Serious Narcissist

10 Warning Signs Your Relationship is Making You Depressed

This is Why Your Husband Cheated on You

 

Originally posted at YourTango

The post Your Long Distance Relationship: Signs it Could be in Trouble appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Friday

22

April 2016

0

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Thursday

21

April 2016

0

COMMENTS

Tuesday

19

April 2016

0

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