Chat and Flirt

Modern dating advice for the internet.

Thursday

2

July 2015

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Wednesday

1

July 2015

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COMMENTS

15 Reasons to Hug Your Love More Often

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Hugs are such frequent and automatic gestures that their value may be overlooked. But it turns out the common hug is not so common after all. More than a simple embrace or squeeze on the shoulder, hugs have many physical and emotional benefits, especially when enjoyed by two lovebirds:

1. A hug conveys caring. After a hard day, hugging your partner says, “I’m here for you. We’re in this together.”

2. Hugs elevate our mood. When we embrace someone, oxytocin (also known as “the cuddle hormone”) is released, making us feel warm and soothed.

3. You and your partner can beat the average. The typical length of a hug is about ten seconds (shorter for those who don’t know each other well). Surely you and your love will want to double that duration!

4. Hugs promote heart health. A large-scale study found that while hugging, people’s heart rate lowered significantly compared to those who didn’t hug.

5. They provide reassurance. A hug lets your partner know everything is okay between you.

6. Hugs can be given anywhere. In public or in private, at the mall or at the park, hugs can be exchanged wherever you are.

7. Hugging boosts the recipient’s self-esteem. This gesture assures your partner that he/she is more than worthy of your affection.

8. Hugs are a natural stress reliever. If you or your love are feeling stressed, give each a tight squeeze. Doing so reduces the amount of the stress hormone cortisol produced in the body.

9. As public displays of affection go, hugs are acceptable and admirable. Some onlookers get uncomfortable seeing a couple making out in public or being overly friendly in other ways. But hugs? No problem.

10. Hugs help your partner survive and even thrive. Renowned psychotherapist Virginia Satir said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Therefore, don’t hold back.

11. You can go for the world record. According to The Guinness Book of World Records, on February 14, 2010, Jeff Ondash gave out 7,777 hugs. He is also the world record holder for the most hugs given in an hour at 1,205. Top that!

12. You and your partner can join other huggers across the country. After all, each January 21 is National Hug Day.

13. Hugging enhances communication. As nonverbal communication goes, hugging is one of the best. It can foster good verbal communication as well.

14. The benefits are mutual. The giver of a hug gets as much benefit as the receiver. Since everybody wins, hug away.

15. A hug is a graceful step in the dance of romance. If your relationship isn’t ready for more intimate forms of affection, a hug usually communicates just the right amount of fondness.

The post 15 Reasons to Hug Your Love More Often appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Wednesday

1

July 2015

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How To Choose The Best Photos For Your Online Dating Profile

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Let's get this out of the way right now: it's what's inside that counts. I know that. You know that.

But we also know that no one's going to get to the inside if they don't like the outside first. It's not pessimistic or cynical, it's just honest.

Your picture is one of the first things people see when visiting your profile. And if you use a service like Tinder, it's practically the only thing they see. It's hard to overstate the importance of a photo under thos ...

Tuesday

30

June 2015

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China's Online Dating Scams Put Everyone Else's To Shame

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Every week, someone's in the news with a cautionary tale of online love gone wrong. Online dating critics are quick to point out the threat of scammers, but how big is the risk really?

Apparently a lot bigger if you live in China. A new study of the largest online dating site in China discovered hundreds of thousands of con artists, and their scams are far more intricate than simply lying about their age or adding an inch to their height.

The study, “ ...

Sunday

28

June 2015

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COMMENTS

'How to Make Online Dating Work,' According To Aziz Ansari

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Who is your go-to for dating advice? Your best friend? A parent? A stand-up comedian?

The last one may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but Aziz Ansari is out to change that. Together with Eric Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University, he has penned a new book called Modern Romance. In a recent article for The New York Times, the duo shares a few insights gleaned from two years of research for the book.

“Online dating generate ...

Saturday

27

June 2015

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COMMENTS

How To Write A Better Online Dating Profile

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What's the best way to score a date online? Be someone worth dating.

Easier said than done, right? It feels unnatural and uncomfortable to write out all your most positive traits. If you have any insecurities (and who doesn't?) they're likely to come out in your profile. And once you've laid it all out there, you're intensely vulnerable.

Think about it another way. You're trying to date someone, which means you think there's a reason for someone to date you. You ...

Friday

26

June 2015

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Online Rejection: Understanding What it Means

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When you’re online dating, it’s hard to not take rejection personally. After all, your matches rejected you romantically! It doesn’t get more personal than that, right?

Wrong. Online dating is to some extent, a numbers game. That is, anyone who is online dating is bound to get rejected because of the sheer number of people doing it, whether your match swiped left on Tinder or wrote a heart-felt rejection message over eHarmony. Not every love connection is going to work out. In f ...

Thursday

25

June 2015

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COMMENTS

15 Ways to Exit a Relationship with Dignity

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In 1962, Neil Sedaka released the song “Breaking Up is Hard to Do,” which went to number one on the Billboard charts, was translated into many languages, and eventually was covered by dozens of artists over the years.

The title of that song is a phrase that has been uttered by countless people over the decades. Love and romance are amazing, but when the time comes to break up, it can be awkward and painful to say the least. Thankfully, there are ways to maintain dignity for both of you. Here’s how:

1. Become clear in your mind about the reasons. Understanding precisely why you’re breaking up will avoid vacillation or vague explanations at the moment of truth.

2. Don’t fade away. Wanting to avoid conflict and awkwardness, some singles simply back off slowly and silently. But slinking away without a conversation doesn’t honor the other person or yourself.

3. Decide ahead of time if you’re open to staying together. At the moment of the breakup, the other person might try to convince you otherwise, giving all the reasons why you’re great together. If you’ve decided for sure it’s time to move on, don’t allow yourself to be persuaded against your better judgment.

4. Believe that telling the truth is always best. Perpetuating the falsehood that you might have a future together is unfair to both of you. There is no better time than right now to tell someone the truth.

5. Don’t drag it out. If you’ve decided it’s time to move on, don’t delay the inevitable.

6. Determine the best setting to break the news. Doing so in private, away from prying eyes, is usually preferred. But if you fear there will be an ugly scene, a public place could be best.

7. Break the news in person. Sorry, but in today’s world of electronic communication, it must be said: breaking up with someone via text, email, or voice message is undignified. Summon your courage, and deliver the news face to face. (Obviously, if you have a long-distance relationship, a phone conversation may have to do.)

8. Don’t send mixed signals. No need to make the other person wonder exactly what’s happening. Say what you have to say clearly and concisely. Avoid talking around the issue.

9. Keep it short and to the point. Sometimes lengthy explanations make things more complicated than they need to be—and allow for words to come out that you might regret later.

10. Be affirming. The other person has qualities that drew you to him/her in the first place. A few sincere compliments can ease the pain.

11. Remember that this isn’t a group decision. The choice is yours to make, and you don’t need the other person to agree or share your point of view.

12. Avoid dredging up old issues. Now’s not the time to discuss old frustrations and fights; now is the time to leave the past behind.

13. Practice your delivery. This is one of the significant moments in life that deserves preparation and rehearsal. Doing so will help keep you from chickening out or saying things you didn’t intend to.

14. Expect some awkwardness. If you have bad news to break, it cannot be delivered without some hurt. But it’s almost certain to evoke more pain if you wait until later to tell it.

15. Keep your private life private. In the era of social media, it’s easy to overshare. It might be appropriate to let others know that your relationship has ended, but it’s not appropriate to tell the world too many details—especially things that would embarrass your ex.

 

The post 15 Ways to Exit a Relationship with Dignity appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Thursday

25

June 2015

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10 Lessons About Life and Love

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Learning about life is one thing, but it’s how you actually live your life that matters. Philosophers throughout history have offered guidance and theories about the importance of living a joyful and meaningful life. And after recently hearing yet another commencement speaker extol the philosophical virtues of living “a good life” without providing any actual lessons for students to put into action, we were inspired to write this list of 10 lessons about life and love that you can actually start living right now.

Here they are:

1. First thing each morning, remind yourself of the dreams you hold dear.
Having dreams is vitally important. They remind you of what you value and motivate you to strive and grow each day. A day without a dream is, for most people, a bad day. Charley’s life experience of growing up in poverty in a small, rural farming community of central Missouri (without, as his Mother used to say, “A pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of,”) reminds us of the power of a dream! Frankly, we cannot imagine where our lives would be if back then we didn’t nurture big dreams of achieving far beyond what others thought possible for kids growing up in small towns and in big cities.

2. Seek happiness in your life.
Make your happiness, and the happiness of the ones you love, a major life goal. As love and marriage experts, we have interviewed thousands of successfully married couples (in all 50 USA states, 49 countries, 9 of 10 Canadian provinces, and on all seven continents of the world over these past 32+ years) and in every instance, each marvelous couple wants the same thing— to secure happiness. Happiness is not a frivolous pursuit. Never forget that! It is the primary goal of nearly every rational person.

3. Success in life and love has little to do with luck.
Sorry, but after three decades of doing love and marriage work together, evidence suggests there is no such thing as luck! Is education and deliberate effort luck? Is the development of good moral character luck? Is working three jobs to provide for your family luck? Is marrying the right person luck? Our answer to these questions is a resounding NO! To suggest that life is all about luck is to minimize the relentless hard work people invest each day to secure a better future. Put your faith in human beings who work hard to achieve the success they desire. Success has little to do with luck.

4. Your partner defines who you are as a person.
Making decisions about whom to love, marry, and spend your life with speaks volumes about you as a person. Do not make these decisions lightly. People are defined by what they love. So, love well. Love the right person. Analyze very carefully your decision before you make it, but understand this — loving and marrying the right person might very well be the most important decision you will make in your life. Proceed with great care.

5. Good health is essential to a happy life.
Let’s be clear, to have a happy life and healthy relationships you must do what’s required to sustain a healthy mind and body. As we have written frequently over the years, one of the 7 Secrets of a Successful Marriage is this: “long-time successfully married couples care about each other’s health and do their best to promote good health in each other. They know that the way you emote, your anxiety, your productivity, and your ability to engage in a loving relationship, are all affected by what you put into your mouth (or do not!) and how you maintain the health of your body — both mentally and physically. Successfully married couples long ago recognized that you must manage your mind and mood through food, exercise, and healthy living.”

6. Engage in an acts of kindness daily.
Be nice to those you meet. Give a compliment or two. Overtip the waitress or waiter. Wave a person at the supermarket through the crosswalk in front of you. Let someone with a smaller cart of groceries go ahead of you in line. Return ugliness from someone with a smile and a “Have a nice day!” The simple truth is this — people are measured by how they react to adversity and to those who are unkind. It is easy to engage in “road rage.” It is far harder to control yourself when offended, chastised, belittled, and treated unfairly. As the British might say, “Stiffen that upper lip!” Or as our mothers used to say, “It’s okay to turn the other cheek.” Life is full of confrontations between nice people and angry or unkind people. Make it your goal to be a good person — a decent person — a nice person. Your life and the lives of those you love will be happier because of it.

7. Embrace diverse points of view.
Be willing to listen to and consider points of view different from your own. Let’s face it, it’s easy to get angry when someone disagrees with us. We like to be right. In modern America, it is increasingly difficult to have civil conversations. Too many people live by the mantra “my way or the highway” but the willingness to compromise is a crucial life and relationship skill. As Charley’s mother used to say, “Life is too short!” meaning— if you spend your life arguing about every little thing and if you spend your life outright rejecting the perspective of others, you will be a miserable human being. Try your best to talk less and listen more. It is impossible to hear the messages of others if you do all the talking.

8. Don’t be a bully.
Intimidating others (especially those with less power than you) is nothing to be proud of. Never allow yourself to be guilty of shouting down another human being. Life and love are a lot more fun when you treat others with respect. If you don’t respect the opinions of the ones you purport to love, if you shut down the opinions of others, if you try to bully others into submission, you will ultimately lose in the game of life. Nobody likes a bully!

9. Live your life as an inspiration to others.
Be a positive role model, be a teacher. Great teachers inspire, they offer insights, they make us laugh and cry, they change our lives in meaningful and measurable ways, and they make us better people. At the start of each day, recommit yourself to being a person who seeks to inspire others, who offers helpful insights into life, and share the knowledge you possess with others. Teachers care. Let yourself care, too! Share your love, share your knowledge, share things that matter in life.

10. Life is a journey, be engaged.
Charley’s mother used to say, “If you woke up this morning, you know it’s the start of a good day!” In many ways, life is like a baseball game. There is no clock. One inning of life leads into another. Sometimes you win the game, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you go into “extra innings.” No matter the outcome, you play the game for better or worse. In life and love what matters most is that you suit up, show up, and play the game of your life. Get involved. Go all in. Choose to be fully engaged in each moment of living and loving. There is nothing else like it.

 

More from YourTango:

38 Secrets To A Happy Relationship

7 Amazing (And Scientific!) Ways Love Transforms Your Brain

50 Most Inspiring Romantic Quotes

 

Article originally posted via YourTango

The post 10 Lessons About Life and Love appeared first on eHarmony Advice.

Thursday

25

June 2015

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COMMENTS

4 Dating Rules that You can Kiss Goodbye

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If you’re single, chances are you’ve been given a lot of advice. The bigger question is – how much of it was actually helpful? Some people have good intentions, but if they haven't dated in twenty years, they could be giving outdated advice.

Instead of relying on the opinions of friends, family or even co-workers, it’s better to understand your own experiences and learn from them. Chances are, you’ve picked up a thing or two from the dates you’ve been on. The key question is – a ...