Chat and Flirt

Modern dating advice for the internet.

Wednesday

28

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

5 Online Dating Mistakes to Stop Doing Now

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Online dating can be daunting, whether you’ve done it off and on for years or it’s the first time you’re giving Tinder or OkCupid a try. It’s not for the faint of heart – so take courage in the fact that you are putting yourself out there to find love.

Unfortunately, no matter how much of a seasoned “pro” you think you might be, too many people make the same mistakes when it comes to online dating, and you might be one of them.

To optimize your profile and attract more ...

Wednesday

28

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

5 Online Dating Mistakes to Stop Doing Now

Written by , Posted in Articles

Online dating can be daunting, whether you’ve done it off and on for years or it’s the first time you’re giving Tinder or OkCupid a try. It’s not for the faint of heart – so take courage in the fact that you are putting yourself out there to find love.

Unfortunately, no matter how much of a seasoned “pro” you think you might be, too many people make the same mistakes when it comes to online dating, and you might be one of them.

To optimize your profile and attract more ...

Wednesday

28

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

Monday

26

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

Meet The Chatbot That Makes It Easier To Ghost Bad Dates

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Imagine never having to deal with aggressive texts or unwanted photos ever again. Ghostbot hopes to make online dating easier by handling bad dates so you don't have to.

As you may have guessed from the name, Ghostbot is a bot that ghosts on your behalf. 'Ghosting' – for those who aren't up on 21st century dating lin ...

Saturday

24

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

Saturday

24

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

Friday

23

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

5 Signs that He’s Boyfriend Material

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We hear a lot of daters complain about how tough it is to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Because there are people who casually date over apps, behave badly with each other, or mislead their dates, it’s discouraging to think about finding a serious relationship. Many of us paint men and women in broad brushstrokes – good or bad.

But this is simply not accurate.

Instead of stereotyping someone else as the "bad guy" or falling into old patterns when a date doesn’t work o ...

Thursday

22

September 2016

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COMMENTS

Why You Keep Meeting the Wrong Guys

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[image:why-you-keep-meeting-the-wrong-guys.png title:Meeting the wrong Guys]

If there’s one complaint I hear from single women more than any other, it’s “why do I keep meeting the wrong guys?”

Before you completely give up on dating and delete all those dating apps, it’s time to take a step back and do some self-examination. This isn’t meant to be critical, it’s meant to help you take a real look at how your life has been unfolding so far, so that you can make some changes for th ...

Wednesday

21

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

How People Judge Your Intelligence Based On Your Profile Picture

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You've been told not to judge a book by its cover, but let’s face it: online dating is one big library and you have no intention of reading most of the books. You'll barely spare a glance for the description on the dust jacket.

It doesn’t stop at online dating. You’ve judged professional contacts by their headshots on LinkedIn. You’ve judged y ...

Monday

19

September 2016

0

COMMENTS

Searching for a Relationship: Do You Know What You’re Doing?

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Do we know what we are doing when it comes to modern relationships, or are we just being hi-jacked by primitive emotions?

There’s a scene in the 1996 movie ‘Jerry Maguire’, where Tom Cruise  famously says to Renée Zellweger, “You Complete Me”. It’s a dry your eyes romantic moment, but it’s at the heart of what goes wrong in relationships.

We are drawn to another person for a sense of completeness. We hope that this relationship will heal or fill an empty space in our life. And for a short time we are wrapped up in a cloud of ‘feel good’ hormones and everything looks and feels better. Then, our brain chemistry normalizes, reality comes crashing in, and we notice that the partner we chose to fill our void, is trying to make changes in us to fill their own. Welcome to codependency!

Is there a better way?

Modern relationships come in many forms; dating online or in person, cohabiting, marriage, divorce, single-parent dating, remarriage, to name a few.

I’ve experienced all of these and as a researcher and writer on self-leadership, I have a few pieces of advice for those of you who are still looking for ‘the perfect relationship’.

  1. Would you live with you? Before we can successfully be in a relationship with another person, we need to be comfortable with ourselves. We don’t have to be perfect, that’s not what self-esteem means. We need to be comfortable with our imperfections. We need to know what we want, need, value, and believe or how else will we authentically communicate this to a partner.
  2. Learn from the past, don’t repeat it. Your past relationships are not failures, they are part of the learning process to understand what you want, need, value, and believe. If it didn’t work, be honest with yourself about why that was and avoid repeating the pattern. For example, if you are looking for someone to fix, to make your feel better, and they leave you after being ‘fixed’ – there’s a good chance that will happen again.
  3. Understand that the only person you can change is you. People to grow and evolve together but only when they accept each other as they are. The fatal mistake in relationships is to try and change something in someone else. You can communicate how a behavior makes you feel, but the choice to change rests firmly with them. And saying, “If you loved me, you’d do this…” is manipulation 101 and never ends well.
  4. Don’t settle. For a relationship to last, it has to be physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. We often try to settle for 2 or 3 out of 4. If the sex is great but you can’t enjoy a movie together because of a difference in intellect or education, then things are going to turn sour. If you can express your emotions with each other, but spiritually your values clash, then a schism is on the horizon.
  5. Communicate. This is the most fundamental of relationship advice – and the most powerful. Learn to authentically communicate your wants, needs, values and beliefs and listen openly to your partner without judgment. You are unlikely to be in relationship with your clone, and so there will be differences, but these conflicts can often be resolved by communicating in the following way; a) here’s what’s happening, b) this is what I feel, c) this is what I need, d) and so this I my request. The power of this 4-step communication strategy is that there is no blame. You are not making it your partners fault you have a feeling or an unmet need, but you are giving them an opportunity to adjust their perspective or behavior through a request.

Relationships can hurt because we open ourselves up to another, but they can also be a catalyst for us to be the best version of ourselves.

So here’s wishing you LUCK, when luck is an acronym for Laboring Under Correct Knowledge.

self leadershipAndrew Bryant is a motivational speaker, executive coach and author of ‘Self-Leadership: How to Become a More Successful, Efficient and Effective Leader from the Inside Out’ (McGraw-Hill 2012). Andrew has inspired and informed audiences as large as 12,000, facilitated breakthrough-learning sessions for senior leaders and been the coach for C-level executives of Fortune 500 companies. Sign up for his newsletter and receive a free chapter from his book: http://www.selfleadership.com/free. Connect with Andrew on LinkedIn and Twitter

The post Searching for a Relationship: Do You Know What You’re Doing? appeared first on eHarmony Advice.